


Neon Question Mark

by dirtypavvs



Series: Sitcom!AU [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Other, POV Alternating, POV Multiple
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4246515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtypavvs/pseuds/dirtypavvs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Important Note: This fic is no longer updating! We may come back to it one day, but as of right now we're abandoning it, sorry!</p>
<p>Part one! Fíli and Kíli Durinson are about to get involved with Tauriel and Legolas Oropherion, much to the dismay of neighbors Thorin and Thranduil. Bard, Haldir, Faramir and Boromir are all unfortunate enough to get drug along for the ride. Ori is a librarian and Elrond lives in France, we'll figure the rest out as we go along.</p>
<p>A human & modern day Hobbit/LotR AU where (almost) everyone lives in a cul-de-sac and no one can get along.</p>
<p> <a href="http://thehobbitsitcom.tumblr.com/">Sitcom!AU blog</a>! Character page, tags, chronological story order, etc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I September

Kili feels a nervous ache spike in his stomach as he takes in the sight of the beautiful redhead before him. Immediately after he'd spied her from his second story bedroom window years before he’d been trying to work up the courage to say anything to her other than the occasional (and awkward) ‘hello’.

Today was the day.

"Where are you from?"

He notices the question catches her off guard. Kili can’t help but flash a grin when he sees the way her hair sways as she turns around, looking bewildered for a second before giving him a friendly smile. He shifts uncomfortably when he notices her sizing him up before answering.

"Wales... Cardiff, actually. And you are...?"

He feels the corner of his mouth twitch up when she says Wales, resisting the urge to shake his head at her before answering, "From here actually, but my entire family's from Dublin,” He rolls his shoulders and shrugs, “Sort of the odd one out, I guess. Me brother was even born there. He goes to Oxford, you know, plays a mean centre forward on the football team. But that’s Fili for you. Oh, shite, speaking of - the name’s Kili.”

Tauriel holds out her hand for a shake, "Tauriel Oropherion," she replies with a smile before bending down to pick up her dog, “And this little devil is Quincy!"

Kili gives a tiny finger wiggle to the small pooch as Tauriel holds Quincy’s paw, making him wave.

He sniffs and stuffs his hands back into his hoodie pocket, "I have pets too, actually. Two fancy rats. Lovely little buggers. Smeagol and Gollum are their names. They can do tricks and stuff, and well, they're quite like dogs in a lot of ways, actually. Except a wee bit smaller.” He gives a booming laugh that embarrasses him and rapidly continues, “They can do routines and we've been working on a circus act. Er, it's not really all that circus-y yet, though. Or at least it won't be until I get their costumes. They actually really like being dressed up, little shirts and hats and-!... and this probably sounds completely insane. Me just rambling on about brothers and rats."

“Don’t sweat it,” Tauriel giggles, “Please, my cousin Legolas is currently obsessed with his succulent collection. A rat circus is much more… exciting?” She waves her free hand, “Whatever, anyways, I-”

“Tauriel, you have a phone call from Professor Galadriel,” Thranduil’s voice bellows across the lawn from the front door threshold. He raises a brow and adds before turning back into the house, “It’s rude to keep someone that important waiting.”

"Shit, sorry. I’d love to continue this later, though. I'm here for the week!"

He watches her jog back towards the house, dog in arms, then turn around right before she reaches the door for one last wave.

Kíli's not completely sure what's just transpired, but he smiles because he knows it's good. He stands there for a moment and thinks about the blush on her face, the one that brought out all her adorable freckles and… he's got to tell Fili.

* * *

 

"Isn’t this just the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. My baby brother's growing up! He's got his first girlfriend!"

Kíli rolls his eyes at the video feed of his brother over Skype as he rolls his computer chair back and forth between his desktop and light-show set up, thumbing codes on his tablet between every stop.

"She's hardly my girlfriend. She’s barely my friend. She’s just a girl at this point, to be honest. It’s too early to tell, and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm crazy, actually. Probably gonna tell me to bugger off next time I even look at her. Gods I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?" He says to Fíli as he messes with the wires around his room before getting up and walking towards the door. "Anyway, tell me if this looks good!"

He flips the lightswitch and presses a button from his tablet.

Fíli audibly groans as a remix of some god-awful top hit begins playing just in time for different colored lights to fill the darkness of the room.

Kíli talks loudly over the music, "I'm pretty positive I'm gonna use this for the next rat-rave video I've been working on for their Facebook page! Smeagol's really into pop lately and Gollum's not that picky about his music either way."

Fili rubs his temples and yells just as the music ends, "They're rats!"

"No need to shout, tsk," Kíli turns his bedroom light back on and shuffles over to his laptop. "Seriously, though, you gotta help me. When are you coming for a visit anyways? It’s been three weeks at least."

Fíli nods, "Yeah. I was thinking this weekend, actually. I'll leave right after class on Friday. Uncle's been pestering me about bringing him a copy of my lease agreement to this stupid flat anyway. He thinks he’s helping." Kili watches as Fili makes air quotes around the word “helping” and shakes his head.

"He's just an obsessive real estate agent… contractor… person, whatever. You know that." Kíli laughs before taking his rats out of their cage.

Fili makes a face as he chews on his pen cap, “Still. Anyway, back to the girl. You gotta have a layout, an order. A game plan, if you will.”

“Sounds like you're playing too much football again. What should I do, springbok loop her into liking me?”

“That’s rugby.”

“Same thing.” Kili rolls his eyes.

“My point, actually. Not to worry, little brother, I’ll have come up with a way to make you less sweats and bun and more knight in shining armor by Friday.”

“That sounds awful.” The sound of rapping knuckles on Kili’s door makes him jump, “It’s open!”

Thorin opens the door and walks in, messing with his cufflinks, “Hello, Kili,” he notices Fili on the screen and nods, “You too, son.”

Fili rolls his eyes, “Hello, Uncle. You’re home early.”

“Aye, I’m damn happy Dwalin’s been taking over more. I’ve still got blueprints to draw up. Now what sounds so awful?”

“Turning Kili into a gentleman.” Comes Fili’s voice from the monitor.

Thorin fakes a shiver, “The dreaded maturity is coming for you Kili.” And he clasps his big hands onto his nephew’s shoulders, “You boys are too much.”

Kili swats him away, “Thanks, Uncle. Hey, who was it you were showing to the old MacFundin place?”

Thorin thinks for a moment, “Ah, right. It was a man and his nephew. Moving from such a far away place, if I recall. Quite a handsome bloke, though.”

“How old’s the nephew?” Kili questions.

“I’m not sure. Around five? Maybe. Six? One of the two.”

“Go for it.”

“You show ‘im, Uncle.”

Thorin snorts and shakes his head, “Right, boys. I think you’ve taken my compliment the wrong way. Anyways, I best be going. Fee, good luck with your training. Kee, stay out of trouble.”

“Yes, Uncle.” Kili replies.

Fili smirks before shouting, “Yes, Uncle! One last thing: Kili’s got a girlfriend! Speak to you both later, goodnight!”

Fili ends the call just after Kili’s gone red with embarrassment and Thorin’s surprised eyebrows raise.


	2. II September

Shit. Shit shit  _shit_. Fíli was running so late it was ridiculous.

His last class of the week had finished on time and all was well until he remembered he'd left both his overnight bag and crudely copied lease agreement for Thorin on the kitchen table after football practice that morning. He had to go all the way back to his flat, run up the stairs and convince Bard that y _es he was perfectly sure he hadn't meant to leave his things here_  and  _no he didn't want to go drinking with him and their mates instead of driving back to Manchester tonight_  before running back down and finally getting on the road. An hour after he had planned.

He was currently drowning out the buzzing of his phone with Bon Jovi as he pulls into the Durinson driveway. Groaning as he puts the car into park and slumps back in his seat. Dís was bad, but Kíli could be even worse. Fíli massages his temples, cursing himself for stopping at the chippy for a takeaway when he'd reached town, putting him back another twenty-five minutes. He reaches over to grab his bag before stuffing the battered contract in the pocket of his jacket before he gets out of the car, fiddling with his keys as he walks to the door.

He doesn't even get the chance to find the house key when the door flies open, an over excitable Kíli coming at him full-force.

"Spied you from the front window!" A frown takes over the younger Durin's face, " _You're late_."

"Amazing, he can tell time. College seems to be working out for you after all!"

Kíli sputters in annoyance as they enter the house, Fíli dropping his bag to take off his jacket to hang on the coat-rack, only just remembering to retrieve the stapled papers in the pocket before turning around. He spies his mum in the kitchen, drying dishes, but doesn't see Thorin anywhere.

"He's in his office, dear. He's been busy drafting the newest addition to the royal infirmary the past week." Dís' voice rings into the living room when she notices her oldest glancing at the stairs.

Fíli waves at her, "Thanks, mum!"

He begins walking up the stairs quickly, excitedly even. He hadn't gotten to see his uncle during the previous visit and was anxious to finally give the gift that was his lease agreement. He knew it was more for Thorin to see how well offices were managed in Oxford versus Manchester than anything else. He raps his knuckles on the door, hearing a soft 'it's open' from the other side before turning the knob. He gives a quick overview, stacks of books and rolls of drafting paper clutter every available space, which is dark save for the drafting lamp on Thorin's large oakwood desk. Fíli approaches, clearing his throat quietly to draw the older man's attention away from the paper full of lines and careful calculations.

"Fíli, my boy!" Thorin immediately stands up, rounding the desk and clapping his nephew on the back before pulling him into a tight hug.

"I've missed you, uncle." Fíli announces as the embrace ends, handing Thorin the copied contract.

"Aye, sorry we couldn't have made better arrangements during your last visit. This commission's gotten me pretty busy as well this time, too, though I'm sure we can chance a meal on Sunday."

Fíli nods understandingly, heading towards the door, “You’ve been busy, it’s alright. And lunch or something would be great. I’ll leave you to your work, we can talk more about it tomorrow, I still have to talk to Kíli tonight, anyway.” He hears Thorin mumble his acknowledgement before he turns and makes his way towards his brother’s room, from which very loud music can be heard playing behind the closed door. He raises his hand to knock but is taken by surprise when Kíli swings the door open and grabs him, pulling him in.

“Oi, what’re you doing?” He snaps after Kíli releases his grip to turn off his music. Kíli bounces on the balls of his feet and grins before starting to ramble. “Oh Fee, I have so much to tell you! That girl I talked to, the pretty redhead who lives next door, she talked to me again today!  _She talked to me first_! And I pet her dog, his name is Quincy and he’s the cutest little thing, and oh, that reminds me. The most exciting part is that I finally got her name remembered, it’s Tauriel. Just as pretty as she is.” He sighed happily before continuing, “She said that maybe she could come over sometime and meet Smeagol and Gollum! Do you know what that means?”

Fíli stares at his brother. “Uh… It means you should hide your creepy WoW shrine before she comes over and discovers it?”

Kíli scoffs and replies, “No, asshole, it means she wants to come here! To the  _house_! To  _my room_!” His eyes are wide, and Fíli can’t help but reach over and ruffle his younger brother’s hair.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Cover your rat’s cage, they are innocent and don’t need to see that. Use a condom. Don’t --,” Fíli’s rant is cut short by a pillow hitting him in the face followed by Kíli’s voice.

“I’m feeling like I should probably do the exact opposite of anything you would come up with in that situation.” He gives his brother a stern look before adding, “Plus, I don’t wanna do...  _that_ … not yet. I gotta take her out on dates and shit! She’s special.”

Fíli snorts at his brothers ramblings, “What a gentleman.”

“No, I’m serious! She’s really cool, mate, I really like her and I don’t wanna mess it up!”

He notices his brother’s frown before breaking out in a shit-eating grin. “It’s so cute you have your first real crush, they grow up so fast!” He mimes wiping a tear away from his eye before Kíli throws another pillow at his head.

“Sod off, you’re such a wanker sometimes. Get out of my room and go to sleep.”

Fíli laughs and walks backwards out of his brother’s room, and then turns and walks into his own room, right next door. He switches the light off and shrugs out of his clothes before collapsing onto his bed.

In his own room, Kíli closes his door before casting a quick glance out his window, towards Tauriel’s house. He smiles to himself and says goodnight to his rats before crawling into bed and going to sleep.

 **_________________________________________________________________________________**  

Tauriel wakes up to the sound of claws on wood floors and a distressed Legolas. She rubs the sleep from her eyes using the heel of her palm and climbs out of bed, padding slowly towards her door. She opens it slowly, letting out a shriek mid-yawn as Thranduil’s two doberman rush past her.

“They’re bloody savages. I don’t know why ada keeps them, they’re  _horrible_.”

She turns her attention to Legolas, who is still in his pyjamas and heaving for breath. She quirks an eyebrow at him, “They’re only horrible when you haven’t fed them before a walk.”

Legolas shrugs at her, “Whatever, this is his job. I shouldn’t have to take this from someone who wears  _designer gardening gloves_ , anyway.”

She follows him down the stairs, stretching to reach the top shelf for cereal as Legolas goes to get dog food.

“Are you still meeting your weirdo-boyfriend today? I don’t exactly know what’s up, but ada’s been really weird about you talking to the Durinson guy. He keeps asking me, ‘oh, what’s going on with Tauriel and the dwarf?’ and prying for information.” He gripes, waving his arms around theatrically in an attempt to mimic his father, pausing before adding, “Isn’t he taller than you?”

“Maybe. Either way, Thranduil’s completely obsessed with them, it’s weird. He’s totally gay for Thorin.” She blinks slowly before finishing with a frown, “And he’s not that weird. Or my boyfriend… Yet.” She smiles to herself while her cousin stares at her in disbelief. Noticing his look, Tauriel glances up at Legolas, grinning. “What? He’s cute and he gets all excited and starts rambling. He’s like a puppy. And he’s nice, Legs. You should hang out with him.”

Legolas quirks an eyebrow up at her. “ _Me_? Hang out with  _him_? As if… Besides, we already have a puppy.” He gestures towards the doberman, “Three of them, actually.”

Tauriel tuts and looks back down at her cereal before mumbling, “Your dad would have an absolute _fit_.”

She already knows that’ll change his mind, so she doesn’t bother glancing up to savour the look of deep thought that has spread over her cousin’s face. He makes a noise of casual agreement and grabs his bowl, walking off towards his room, and she smirks at his back. Tricking Legolas into hanging out with someone was the easy part, even if it was Kíli. The hard part would be making sure neither of them fucked it up.

Good thing luck was on her side, in the form of Fíli Durinson.


	3. III September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil throws a lot of fits and love is apparently blossoming everywhere.

Sunday afternoon finds Tauriel glancing out the window, checking to see if the older Durinson brother's car was in the driveway next door. She had seen the boys and their uncle all pile into it earlier and leave. Frowning, she turns back to listen to her uncle and cousin argue some more.

"Legolas, you know we don't associate ourselves with them. Tauriel just got here,  _she_  doesn't know any better. But  _you_  do!"

Legolas rolls his eyes at this and sighs before replying, " _Ada_ , aren't you always saying you want me to make more friends?"

His dad all but pouts at this. "Well, yes, but this isn't what I meant!"

Tauriel's attention is brought back to the window at the sound of tires over cement. Spotting the three Durinsons laughing and talking as they get out of the car and make their way inside, she grins.

"Hey, they all just got back home, you could go over right now!" She says, turning once more to face her bickering relatives, still grinning. Thranduil scoffs at her, but Legolas smiles and puts his hand on his dad's shoulder.

"Great then, it's settled. Bye, Ada!" He doesn't get a response, as Thranduil is busy grumbling to himself about jerk neighbors and ridiculous children.

Legolas stands and grabs his jacket, flipping it over his shoulder and heading towards the door. He grins at Tauriel, who wiggles her fingers at him and smiles. He hears his dad huff in annoyance one more time for good measure, but ignores it as he pulls the door open, blinking at the sunlight before starting towards the Durinson house.

Walking up their driveway, he heaves a sigh as he reaches the front door. He wouldn’t say he was nervous, really, he just can’t believe the childishness of the whole thing. Here he was on his neighbor’s front porch, basically about to knock and ask if he can come out and  _play_.

Legolas shakes his head and knocks before he can talk himself out of it.

After a few moments of standing there, he knocks again. Someone shouts that they’re coming and to hold on through the door, and he looks down and shifts his feet, waiting.

______________________________________________________

Fíli is alone in the living room when he hears a knock on the door. Not wanting to get up, he looks around confused for a moment. Dís is out, Thorin is in his study, and Kíli is upstairs, probably making his rats dance to Nicki Minaj or something equally as ridiculous. He groans and stands up, starting towards the door. Rolling his eyes and quickening his pace as another knock sounds, he shouts impatiently, “I’m coming, hold on!”

He opens the door, squinting before his eyes shift up towards the face of the figure standing before him. He blinks before hearing a small ‘hello’.

“Yeah, hi. Um, I’ll just…” He trails off as he goes to move back into the house to shout for his brother, hesitating, “It is  _Kíli_  you want, right?”

“I think. I’m looking for the Durinson boy, tall-ish,” He puts a hand up near his ear in an estimate, “Really weird. Talks about rats a lot. Is he here?”

Fíli smirks, crossing his arms and nodding, “Aye, that’d be my  _brother_. I’ll go get ‘im. You’re welcome inside, follow me.” Turning his head towards the staircase inside, he adds “My name is Fíli, by the way.”

“Legolas.” He hears the taller blonde reply quietly, “Legolas Oropherion.”

As they walk up the stairs to Kíli’s room Fíli hums before asking, “Where’s that accent from?”

“It’s from California, I mean, uh,  _I’m_  from California.” Legolas replies.

Fíli chuckles, “You’re a long way from home.” He hears Legolas scoff behind him and smiles to himself.

“My home is right next door, ass.”

Fíli glances over his shoulder and grins before replying, “We say ‘arse’ here in this country, mate.” He pauses in the middle of the staircase and turns around, giving Legolas a once-over before asking, “You’re from California? How come you’re so pale, then?”

Legolas nods and looks down at his feet before replying, “Yeah, I guess that’s why they kicked me out.” He looks up sharply when Fíli lets out a bark of laughter.

“You’re funny, mate. Now come on, Kíli’s in his room, that’s where the shit music is playing from.” He says as he turns back around and starts making his way up the last of the steps. Legolas follows silently.

When they reach the last door on the right, Fíli stops and gives Legolas a small smile before pounding his fist against the door. The music that was playing stops abruptly and a boy Legolas assumes is Kíli opens the door. Kíli glances between his brother and his neighbor in confusion.

Legolas extends his hand and introduces himself, “Hello, Kíli, is it? I’m Legolas, from next door. Tauriel’s cousin.” Kíli smiles at the mention of Tauriel and grabs Legolas’ hand, shaking it. Fíli snorts in amusement before stepping around Legolas and going back downstairs.

Kíli lets go of Legolas’ hand and steps backwards, opening his bedroom door more. “You uh, wanna come in?” Legolas nods and steps in, glancing around. Kíli’s room is lit only by a laptop screen from it’s place on Kíli’s bed and some blue and white Christmas lights strung around the only window. There’s a large rat cage in the corner, with a small desk shoved up against it. He turns to see Kíli sweep some crumbs off a computer chair, which he offers to Legolas with a wave of his hand and a smile. Legolas sits down, only slightly put-off by the display, and turns towards Kíli to speak.

“So, I’m sure this is like, sorta weird. Sorry, Tauriel was talking to me and said you were cool and that I should hang out with you or something, and she can be a jerk if she doesn’t get her way so… Here I am.” He gives Kíli a sheepish smile.

Kíli laughs and flops down onto his bed, splaying bread crumbs all over the floor. Legolas quirks an eyebrow, but Kíli doesn’t even seem to notice.

“Did she really say I was cool?” He asks, eyes wide and excited. Legolas smiles at him. “Yeah, she said you cool and that you were really nice.” He looks around, gesturing towards the rats’ cage, adding, “She said these little guys were quite talented as well.”

Kíli sits up at this and grins. “They sure are, mate! You wanna see some of their tricks?” He looks so excited, Legolas can’t help but smile and nod. They both stand and walk over to the cage. Kíli opens the cage door and reaches in, grabbing a solid gray rat, holding it up. “This one is Gollum,” he reaches in with his free hand and grabs the other rat, a white one with gray spots, “And this one is Smeagol.”

Kíli takes a few steps back from Legolas and puts both rats on his right shoulder before holding his arms up, linking his hands together and making a circle. “Gollum, go ‘round.”

Legolas watches in amusement as the gray rat runs around in a circle, from Kíli’s right shoulder, across both his arms, to his left shoulder. Kíli grins up at Legolas before saying, “Smeagol, go ‘round!” Smeagol follows the other rat’s footsteps, until both rats are on Kíli’s left shoulder.

Legolas smiles. “That was pretty cool! I thought rats were kinda gross but lookin’ at them now, they’re pretty cute, huh?” Kíli positively beams at this. “Aye, they’re cute little buggers. Real smart, too. I dunno how much Tauriel told ya, but I’m gonna make a rat circus! It’s gonna be great. Just gotta teach ‘em a few more tricks and somehow get some costumes.”

They talk for an hour, joking about Tauriel and Fíli both while Kíli shows off some more rat-tricks, introducing Legolas to their Facebook page in the process. They’re both surprised at how nice hanging out with the other is and silently decide to become friends. The buzzing of Legolas’ phone is what finally draws them out of conversation.

He frowns when he glances down to read the texts, one from Tauriel and one from Thranduil. Rolling his eyes before shoving the mobile back into his pocket he looks up at Kíli.

“I’m needed back at the house, apparently.” He says, annoyed.

Kíli pouts but nods before replying, “Maybe you could come over again soon? This was fun. Fíli is away at school most of the time so I don’t really have anyone to hang out with.” Legolas nods and heads towards Kíli’s bedroom door. “Definitely, man.” He pauses to turn and look back before saying, “Bye Smeagol, bye Gollum.”

He heads downstairs, the sound of Kíli’s laughter following him. He sees that Fíli is still in the living room, reading a book with his feet propped up on the coffee table in front of the couch. Legolas clears his throat quietly while walking past, causing Fíli to look up and wave. He returns the wave and continues to the front door, opening it and walking back to his own house.

_____________________________________________________________

Legolas makes a face like he’s going to be sick when he opens the front door, immediately greeted by a frowning Thranduil. “You’ve been over there for  _ages_ ,” his dad accuses.

Legolas rolls his eyes and groans. “Tauriel was right. Kíli and Fíli both seem really cool, and nice, why are you so weird about everything?” He starts raising his voice, making Tauriel pop her head into the room.

“Why are we shouting again?” She asks, teasing but concerned. Legolas looks around his dad at his cousin, frowning. “Ada’s being a freak again, and won’t let go of his weird hatred for our neighbors.” He glares at his father before stalking out of the room.

Both Thranduil and Tauriel wince at the sound of Legolas’ bedroom door slamming upstairs.

Legolas grabs his laptop and curls up on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. Pulling up Kíli’s Facebook page he decides to investigate the other Durinson. He scrolls through until he finds the name ‘Fíli Durinson’. He clicks on it, raising his eyebrows at the profile image of both Fíli and a dark-haired guy holding red solo cups in a crowded club.

He goes through Fíli’s photo albums first, not quite sure why he’s so interested in him. He clicks on an image of the Oxford Football Club and squints until he finds Fíli’s face, slightly impressed. He turns his attention back to Fíli’s posts, reading through them and taking mental notes until he hears a quiet knock on his door. Quickly closing the browser he hesitantly shouts ‘come in’, grateful when it’s Tauriel who opens the door and not his dad.

“You alright?” She asks him, cautiously. He nods and shifts on his bed, scooting over to make room for her to sit. She sits next to him and bumps their knees together. “So you thought he was cool too, didn’t you.” She says, smiling.

Legolas draws his knees up to his chest and huffs, leaning his head on Tauriel’s shoulder. “Maybe a little bit cool,” he mumbles. She giggles and reaches up to start braiding his hair. “I don’t know what Thranduil’s problem is, but he can’t tell you who your friends are. That’s not fair.”  
He feels her tense up for a moment, and he can imagine the dark look passing over her face. She continues, “And he can’t tell me who my friends are, either.” Legolas hums in distracted agreement.

Tauriel was only visiting, though. She was going to leave and get out of Thranduil’s range of ranting and glares and ‘don’t you know those are the Durinsons’ talks, at least for awhile. Legolas has to stay and deal with that every day.

He sighs and relaxes a little more against his cousin’s side, letting her move his head while she braids his hair, wondering how he'll manage to catch another conversation with Fili again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We don't think Nicki Minaj is ridiculous, that's Fili talking. Fili only listens to old school rock while Kili listens to a lot of remixes and nightcore. :P
> 
> Also! We don't want the story to be out too fast or too slow so we're limiting our updates to once a week from now on! But there will most likely be drabbles that go with this AU uploaded randomly, and you can follow the blog for this AU, thehobbitsitcom.tumblr.com, to see more relating to this AU.


	4. IV September

It's almost eleven when Thranduil finally goes into his room after six _and a half_ glasses of wine, Legolas has counted, and he's satisfied his dad will be out of commission until late tomorrow afternoon. He's sure Tauriel is asleep by now, she has to get up early in order to catch the train back to Wales and he doesn't think she's packed yet either. He pulls on his sweatshirt and grabs his phone, quietly creeping down the stairs and heading towards the front door, careful not to let the dogs know he's heading out and finally lets out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding when he hits the driveway.

It's getting colder and Legolas wraps his arms around himself. He's still pretty upset about the confrontation with his father and still pretty flustered by the blonde boy that lives next door. How had Legolas never noticed him before? What a stupid question, he knew the answer. He wasn't allowed to.

He makes a small sound, scoffing as he begins his walk around the neighborhood. It's nice, really, nothing especially luxurious but their community is well-maintained and the houses are large although he knows Thranduil would prefer larger. He wants to roll his eyes at the thought before another enters his mind, the reason his dad doesn't move them somewhere else: His mother.

Legolas doesn't think about her often and Thranduil talks about her even less. He had asked once why Thranduil preferred to stay and the explanation had been quick, it had been the home his wife had picked for them shortly before her untimely demise. They'd moved from California to New York to Manchester by the time Legolas was four and probably would have continued the pattern, one place to another, if not for her death or perhaps the fact that it had shattered Thranduil so completely and so horribly it had taken eight months before he stepped foot back into work, not fully recovered at the time, though Legolas isn't sure if he's fully cured of tragedy that was his mother even now.

All Legolas remembers of the ordeal were the stripping of the word ‘naneth’ from his vocabulary while having the word ‘ada’ replace it and the beginnings of lots of visits from Elrond and Galion in the first many months and following years that had just begun to dwindle during the last few. He doesn't remember his mom but he knows he looks like her and he knows that's part of the reason Thranduil drinks. But only part. He also knows his dad loves him and that's the reason he's just so... adamant about certain things.

He stuffs his hands into his pockets in an attempt to warm them up when he sees someone ahead of him. Although it's not strange, particularly, it's a surprise. Their community is gated, after all, and Legolas knits his eyebrows together trying to come up with who would be out at this time of night. Aside from himself of course.

Then he recognizes the figure. It's Fíli Durinson.

Legolas panics for what seems like minutes but can only be seconds as his legs carry him closer to the man before him, not realizing how close until he is too late in thinking to turn around and walk back the way he came from. He’s standing in front of Fíli, blinking in reply to a greeting he does not comprehend right away, eventually chirping one of his own.

“Hi?”

“Haha, yes, hello. It’s bloody freezing tonight, you knob, why’re you out here?”

Legolas shuffles on his feet for a moment, “Just wanted a walk,” he frowns, “What are _you_ doing out here?”

Fíli shyly holds up a bottle that Legolas recognises as alcohol in reply, shaking it from side to side then licking his lips contemplatively before stuffing it back into the brown paper bag.

“Oh. Having a little midnight bender, are we?”

The older blonde scoffs, “Yeah, of course. That’s what I do. No, no. I mean, it is for me, but I probably won’t drink it down tonight. Not all of it. Maybe.”

Legolas smiles at his reply, noticing the embarrassment but deciding not to mention it. They stand in silence for a few more moments.

**____________________________________________________________________________**

“You want to share it with me?” Fíli’s question comes as a surprise to himself and Legolas. He stares as Legolas seems to think about it, and after a few moments hands the bottle over when Legolas nods.

Fíli grins and takes the bottle back after watching the other boy take a swig then sputters, shoving the bottle towards Fíli.

“Wow, you’re not even gonna try to pretend you could handle that. You’re like what, twenty years old?” Fíli shakes his head as he teases, a small smile on his lips. Legolas scoffs at him, “I’m nineteen, thank you.” He looks down at his shoes before continuing, “I don’t drink much.”

Fíli just nods at him in understanding. He takes another drink from the bottle before shoving his hand in his pocket, fishing out a cork. Legolas looks up and raises an eyebrow at him as he shoves the cork into the bottle.

“You said you were just out for a walk but it’s like one o’clock in the morning. Not a lot of people out on walks this time o’ night.” He gestures around them with his hand. Legolas rolls his eyes and starts walking again.

“I had a fight with my dad earlier about your brother.” Fíli blinks in surprise at this, but starts after Legolas, waiting until he is side by side with the boy to reply. “Why? Did Kíli do something?” Legolas knits his brow and glances at Fíli. “No. Just exist. And be friendly and have a crush on my cousin.”

Fíli nods solemnly, “Our family’s weird feud thing is so stupid. You seem pretty cool.” He pauses and glances over at Legolas, pleased at the small smile he put on his face. “And Tauriel is pretty cool. Kíli is like, in love with her. It’s adorable.”

Legolas smiles as he replies, “Tauriel is very fond of Kíli.” Fíli smiles at him in response before grabbing his arm and turning him around. Legolas makes a noise of confusion but Fíli laughs before explaining, “Come on, it’s super late, we need to start walking back home. I can’t claim to be a good responsible adult if I let a youngin’ like you walk around out here all alone in the dark.”

Legolas gasps in mock indignation. “I am nineteen! A grown man! I can walk around wherever and whenever I please, sir.” Fíli laughs and drops Legolas’ arm. They walk in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Legolas asks, “How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Fíli chuckles at him before responding, “‘M twenty two. Why do you wanna know?” Legolas tucks some stray hair strands behind his ear before simply stating that he was curious.

Fíli watches him before blurting out, “Y’know you’re really pretty.” He blushes deeply as Legolas stares at him in amusement. “For a guy, I mean!” He sputters, not bothering to hide his embarrassment. Legolas chuckles and looks down, muttering a thank you. Fíli tries to hide his wince. _Why does he always make it weird_?

Legolas interrupts Fíli mentally kicking himself by speaking. “Huh?” He says, blinking up at Legolas.

“I said, you’re not so bad yourself. You know, for a guy.” Legolas smirks at him, but Fíli can see the blush forming on his cheeks. He grins, “Yeah?” Legolas nods in affirmation.

They continue to walk back towards their respective houses until Legolas’ phone goes off. Fíli watches as Legolas takes it out of his pocket and frowns, unlocking it before typing furiously. “Everything alright, mate?” He asks. Legolas shoves his phone back into his pocket and huffs in annoyance. “Yeah, Tauriel just woke up and was freaking out that I wasn’t in my room. Which is weird because that means she _checked_.”

Fíli snorts, “Did you tell her not to worry because you’ve got a big strong responsible adult escorting you home?” Legolas rolls his eyes but Fíli can see his small smile. “No, but I did tell her that I was on my way home and that I was talking to you.”

Legolas’ phone went off and he took it out to read the message. Fíli was about to ask what she had to say to Legolas being out so late with him, but the question dies in his throat as Legolas’ phone buzzes six more times.

“Jesus, someone’s popular.” He mutters under his breath

“Hardly.” Legolas sighs, “Whatever. Look, let’s just get home, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Fíli keeps to himself after that, save for the few times Legolas takes the bottle he’s carrying from him until they reach the driveway of the Oropherion’s. He doesn’t miss the way Legolas seems to withdraw into himself as they walk up to the front door.

“You gonna be okay?”

Legolas leans his forehead against the door, resisting the urge to slam his head against it multiple times, “I have to be.”

Fíli wants to do something, but he’s not sure what. He grips the bottle in his hand tighter as he tries to decide what his next move should be, the alcohol making his thoughts fuzzy. He barely registers Legolas unlocking the door and turning back towards him as he reaches out and grabs Legolas’ jacket with his free hand.

“Fíli…? What’re you-” Legolas’ question is cut short when Fíli’s lips meet his. He freezes for a moment before leaning into the kiss.

“Sorry.” Fíli mutters under his breath when they part, his hand still clutching Legolas’ jacket. He decidedly thinks ‘fuck it’ before moving his hand to the back of Legolas’ head, noting how soft his hair is, and pulling them together for another kiss.

Legolas doesn’t hesitate this time.

Fíli gives Legolas one last peck on the cheek before untangling his fingers and shifting on his feet. He awkwardly touches Legolas’ shoulder and smooths down the collar of his jacket while he thinks of what to say.

“This… was nice. G’night.” Legolas only nods when Fíli’s hand falls from his shoulder.

“Goodnight.” He watches him walk down the driveway and make the turn to his own house.

**_________________________________________________________________________**

When Fíli is out of sight, Legolas turns and quietly opens the door to his house. He shuts it lightly behind him, trying not to make noise, when he hears a quiet cough. Whipping around he spots Tauriel sitting on the sofa, glaring at him. He holds his hands up in front of him before explaining, “I just needed to think. Fresh air and all that.”

She raises her brow, “And Fíli? What happened with that, huh?” Legolas knows she’s teasing now, and huffs in annoyance. “We ran into each other, we talked, he walked me back. Is that alright with you, mom?” She rolls her eyes but leans forward, interested. “What did you talk about?”

Legolas looks down, hoping his cousin doesn’t see him blushing. She stands and tuts at him in disapproval. “Walking around together at one o'clock in the morning is hardly a proper first date, Legolas.” He looks up at her in shock, sputtering, “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She shakes her head at him, smiling as she turns to walk towards the staircase. “Go to bed. And maybe think about the fact that I could hear what you were saying through the door. Can’t believe you kissed him already, the nerve.” He blanches at this, horrified. “Don’t tell Ada.”

This makes her turn around, slowly. She takes in Legolas’ face, how serious and scared he looks. She softens her smile. “You know I won’t. You’ll have to eventually, Legolas, but that’s your job, not mine.” Legolas sighs in relief before following her upstairs.

Tauriel gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before she disappears back into her own room and Legolas walks slowly back into his, closing the door firmly behind him and breaking out into a huge grin.

He takes his jacket off, throwing it in the general direction of his hamper and wiggles out of his jeans before falling onto the bed. He rolls around, pulling up the covers and settling in for the night. One thought on his mind:

He _kissed_ Fíli.


	5. I October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story has been edited from chapter one up until now so everything flows a bit better and makes much more sense. 
> 
> Chapters will now be named with a number and a month, not as dates but as parts. That way holidays and other things make sense! We have a whole timeline and big things planned for the story.
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments!! And check out the [BLOG](http://thehobbitsitcom.tumblr.com/) :)

Kili brings a hand up to his mouth, half-stifling a yawn that escapes anyways, as he continues to pull up his sweatpants with his free hand. He grabs his laptop then glances at the clock on his way downstairs and frowns, it’s only ten but he knows Fili’s left for Oxford already, Thorin’s at work and his mum is _god knows where_.

He enters the kitchen, grabbing his favourite mug, rats making up the design of course, and he pours himself some coffee from half-filled pot sitting on the stove, taking a sip before shrugging and continuing towards the living room. It’s lukewarm, but he’s too lazy to make a fresh pot.

He sets his mug down on the coffee table, draping himself unceremoniously across the sofa and opening his laptop. He scrolls through his email, wondering why he gives his address out to anyone who asks for it, before checking his blog. Three new followers and his newest remix has gotten 30 notes overnight.

He smiles to himself as he signs into Facebook, ignoring the friend-request he has from Boromir for the upteenth time and checking the page he’s made for Smeagol and Gollum, surprised when he notices the newest like.

He blinks at it for a few seconds and rereads it. ‘Tauriel Oropherion likes this’.

“Holy shit.”

He quickly clicks on her name, staring at her profile picture: She’s wearing a cute sundress and holding Quincy. He hovers his cursor over the +Add Friend button and bites his lip, doubtful, but clicks anyways. Signing out immediately before he shuts his computer and slides it towards the edge of the sofa. As if that’ll take back what he’s just done.

He picks up the mug of coffee, downing it on his way into the kitchen before placing it in the sink and running up the stairs.

He has a noon class today and had promised Ori last week he’d return his books before he went. He stuffs them in his bookbag while he’s thinking of it then digs through a pile of clothes on his computer chair. He sniffs one shirt, then another, trying to decide which one smells the cleanest and making a note to do laundry… at some point, at least.

He grabs his hoodie, shrugging it over his head on his way out the door and begins his walk to Trafford College Library.

**____________________________________________________________________**

“Finally! Kili, you _knew_ those books were due last week.” Ori huffs impatiently as he grabs the three heavy books from the desk in front of him, slightly struggling to lift them up onto the top shelf of the ‘returns’ pile.

“Yeah, well…” Kili sighs and rubs the back of his head, realizing he should have probably brushed his hair before rushing out of the house, he decides he’ll pull it up in a bun or something later, “I didn’t even go to class last week, so.”

Ori sighs, cleaning his glasses with the bottom of his sweater as he turns to Kili. “You know you can’t keep doing that. I know it’s hard, like, I get it. But if you keep skipping out like this…”

“I know, I know.” Kili waves his hand around and switches the shoulder his backpack strap is resting on.

“I’m just trying to help, Kee.”

A small nod from the brunette.

“Anyway, what’d you do if you weren’t in class?”

A smile.

“I kind of sort of met a girl? I mean, we’re not, like, _together_ or anything. Not even close. But she’s super awesome, and pretty, like, she’s gorgeous. She’s got the cutest freckles and has this dog, Quincy is his name, who is really charming as well. She even likes my rats, speaking of that, she actually looked at their Facebook page and LIKED it, I saw it this morning. God, then I added her as well. I don’t even want to know if she accepts it or not.”

“Woah, woah, Kee, slow down there. I’m glad you met someone, and that she’s into your weird hobbies.” A light chuckle, “Where’s she from? Does she go to school here?”

“Nah, she’s from Wales. Actually, she’s some family of the Oropherion’s, you know our weird neighbours that Thorin’s been plotting against forever? I’m pretty sure the boy, Thranduil’s son, has some weird thing for my brother as well.”

“Now _that’s_ something to be embarrassed about.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

“What about you? You met anyone lately? No cute girls? Boys? Books?”

“Funny.”

“I know, thanks. I’m here all week.” Kili says as he pulls out his phone, checking the time and winking to Ori, “You make sure and tell me if you meet anyone. I’ve got class and I’m gonna be late if I don’t leave, like, five minutes ago. Catch ya later.”

“Bye, arse.” Ori calls out to a waving Kili, not even noticing the annoyed glances he receives from the students in the library.

**____________________________________________________________________**

Kili groans, leaning back in his chair. Could lectures be any more boring? He didn’t remember signing up for Econ when he read the requirements for a major in Computing. He focuses his attention back on his laptop and the quest he’s on with Faramir in WoW, drowning out the sound of Professor Bofur Conniff’s voice by putting in his earbuds. He leans over and nudges Faramir hard with his shoulder when he notices him fuck up his spell-order.

Kili spends the rest of the lecture flipping between fighting off worgens and writing notes, mostly consisting of ‘Why am in this class????’. He opens his web browser, signing into his student account then opening a new tab. Facebook. Then he sees it.

Tauriel’s added him and it takes everything he can manage not to freak out.

He nudges Faramir again, nodding towards his screen. Faramir gives him a thumbs up, still typing up notes with his free hand. When Professor Conniff finally ends his lecture, Kili bolts out of his seat towards the door. He sends a quick text to Ori telling him to meet him and Faramir at the school cafe. He hears Faramir shout behind him and slows, letting him catch up.

“I am most definitely gonna need to copy your notes, mate.” Kili says, stretching his arms above his head. Faramir rolls his eyes before grumbling that he’ll email a copy to Kili later. Kili laughs and slaps Faramir on the back, who winces in response, before pushing the door open to the school cafe.

They sit at a table near the back and wait for Ori, talking about WoW and Professor Conniff’s hilarious mustache and penchant for hats. Ori gets to the cafe a little late, telling Kili that the head librarian made him rearrange some shelves before he could leave.

Kili nods but as soon as Ori finishes speaking he starts rambling about Tauriel and how she accepted his friend request on Facebook. Ori and Faramir listen intently, but just stare at him in bewilderment when he asks, “What should I do next? Should I message her?”

“I don’t… maybe?” Ori doesn’t know what to say.

“Does she play WoW?” Faramir offers.

“I don’t think she’s, uh, into that. I don’t know what she likes, actually.”

Ori suddenly has an idea, “Why don’t you try talking to her cousin? The blonde American bloke, yeah? You said he’s already been over once, right?”

Kili nods and thinks about it for a moment. It’s not a bad idea, really. Legolas had said he wanted to hang out again. “Yeah. Yeah, good call, Ori.” It’s decided.

**____________________________________________________________________**

Legolas groans, he and Haldir have been sitting in Starbucks for the last hour. He’s had the weekend to work on his Art History project, sure, but instead he decided to spend it hanging out with a brunette trainwreck and his gorgeous brother. He slams the book he’s been looking through down on the table.

He almost doesn’t notice when Haldir comes back, laughing before setting his coffee down and pointing his phone at him. Groaning again and running his hands through his hair, successfully loosening what’s left of the bun he put it in earlier, he lies his head down on top of the text.

“We only have three more days until this stupid thing is due and you’re on Instagram, god I hate you.”

Haldir rolls his eyes, chucking a crumpled up ball of paper at Legolas’ head. “Fuck off. You were the one hanging with prince charming last night.”

Legolas immediately sits up, “I TOLD YOU TO BE QUIET. You and Tauriel are the only ones who know about _him_.” He closes the book, sliding it over against a pile he’s already looked through. “Ada doesn’t know about him yet and I don’t intend to tell him _anything_.”

Haldir smirks, “You know he’ll find out sooner or later, and then probably like, disown you.”

Legolas sighs, “I _wish_. He tries so hard to be involved in my life I’ll be surprised if he even lets me move out. I think he plans on keeping me trapped in that house forever.” He slumps down in his chair dramatically before continuing, “I’m like Rapunzel.”

Haldir snorts into his coffee. “Rapunzel?”

Legolas sighs, “Yes, locked away in a tower by an extremely over protective parent who also happens to loathe the man I desire.”

“Mate, your house is big but I’d hardly call it a tower.”

“I believe ada refers to it as an estate, actually.”

Haldir rolls his eyes again. “Your whole family is ridiculous.”

“Either way, it’s gonna be impossible for me to get away with, well, _whatever_ that was if it goes on, at least.” Legolas glances at the clock, nodding to Haldir, “We should probably stop here for right now. I’ll go through our notes when I get home. See if I can salvage any actual information from them.”

Haldir stands up, shoving his notebook and computer into his bag, “You do that. See ya.”

“See ya.” Legolas waves as Haldir leaves. Packing his own things up, slowly, he thinks about Fili and their situation, mentally kicking himself for not asking him for his number or anything at all, really. He pulls on his duffle coat before tying his hair back up, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder. Grabbing the remaining textbooks he starts devising a plan for himself.

**____________________________________________________________________**

Kili fidgets with the strings of his hoodie. He’s standing at the Oropherion’s doorstep, afraid to knock. What if Thranduil answers? He shakes his head, then he’ll ask for Legolas, of course. He can’t help but be just a little threatened by the older blonde, though. He continues staring at the door, it’s all wood and glass, and he’s almost sure it’s taller than most. Of course the Oropherion’s are also taller than most. He adds that as another reason to be hesitant.

He knocks anyway.

He almost passes out from relief when Legolas is the one to answer, a bright smile on his face as he greets Kili.

“Hi, Legolas. I know this is, like, weird, probably. But I was wondering if you wanted to hang out again? It doesn’t have to be today, really, actually, but last time we hung out we didn’t exchange any contacts. I don’t have your number or I’d have just texted you.” Kili feels himself rambling and stuffs his hands into his hoodie pocket.

“Oh, right, yeah!” Legolas takes his phone out, unlocking it and handing it to Kili, “Just put your number in there, dude. I’d love to hang out again.” He grins, thankful he doesn’t have to be the one asking, something he had thought about his entire walk home.

Kili thumbs his number in, saving his contact as Kee and a rat emoji before handing Legolas his phone back then his own to follow it. “Here, your turn.”

Legolas punches his own details in as he talks, “I really can’t today, though. I’ve got this big project going on that’s due Thursday. Maybe on Friday?” He saves his contact as Legs and a leaf emoji, satisfied he hands it back to Kili.

“That’s fine, yeah, that’s great, actually. Just text me when and where. I’ll be there.” He waves as he starts to walk away, “Bye, Legolas.”

“Can’t wait. Bye, Kee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot of action, but aw! Tauriel found her way Smeagol and Gollum's Facebook page. 
> 
> Haldir is a babe although Legolas gets annoyed by him a lot... Maybe Aragorn should make an appearance? Faramir and Ori sort of even out Kíli's personality. That is, Faramir usually tells him to do something horribly impulsive and Ori suggest something equally as fun but not as dangerous. Usually.


	6. II October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly dialogue and no plot, save for hints at Bagginshield and Dwori.
> 
> Hopefully we can squeeze in a little chapter with a conversation between Fili and Bard, maybe Boromir??? Eventually the main storyline will come back. 
> 
> Don't forget to check out the [blog for this AU](http://thehobbitsitcom.tumblr.com/)!!

Legolas sits at the kitchen bar, open book sitting before him forgotten as he watches his dad flutter back and forth in the kitchen. He’s not sure why Thranduil is going through the trouble of baking, he rarely even cooks himself, but he thinks it might be because of their new neighbor.

Thranduil did have a bad habit of drinking wine while ‘people watching’ from their big bay window at the front of the house, he wouldn’t be surprised if it had something to do with Thorin too. He just wished that whatever he was doing would be over before Kili came to visit.

He had invited the youngest Durinson over to his house yesterday, claiming it was only fair since he had already been to Kili’s. He hadn’t bet on his dad fussing around the kitchen, the loud sound of a pan falling to the floor breaking him from his thoughts.

“Are they even going to be any good, ada?”

“Of course they will. What kind of question is that? I’m making them.”

“I know, that’s my point.” He closes his book, licking his lips nervously before speaking again, “I’m having a friend come over in a bit, by the way.”

“Oh, is it Haldir? Lovely boy.” Thranduil throws his response over his shoulder while he mixes cookie dough.

“Not today. Someone else.”

“Aragorn?” Thranduil raises a brow.

“Kili.”

“Durinson?”

“Yeah.” Legolas stands up, rolling his stiff shoulders. “He’s nice, Ada. You’d like him if you knew him.” He walks over to Thranduil, grabbing a spoon from the dish rack.

“I’m sure. This reminds me, Galion is visiting next week. He’s invited us to lunch.”

Legolas spoons himself a mouthful of cookie dough, “Sounds great, Ada.” A moment later the doorbell rings.

Legolas wipes his mouth off with the back of his hand, throwing his spoon in the sink before heading towards the front door.

Legolas shoots a look at his father and says, “Please don’t be mean,” before opening it, grinning. Kili shuffles his feet and says hello, and Legolas ushers him into the house.

They both are shocked when a sudden bang comes from the kitchen. Legolas rolls his eyes as he calls out, “Are you okay, Ada?” He gets a weak, ‘Oh I’m sure I’ll be just fine!’ in return. Legolas sighs and looks at Kili. “I suppose the proper thing to do would be to introduce you.”

Kili shrugs at him, “I don’t really mind, but I think your dad might find it a bit rude, maybe, if you don’t.”

Legolas sighs again and walks towards the kitchen where an alarming amount of clattering and bangs are coming from, gesturing for Kili to follow.

“Ada, stop making a mess and meet our neighbor.” Thranduil turns, his hands on his hips, and eyes Kili warily. “Ada, this is Kili Durinson.” He smiles at Kili before continuing, “Kili, this is my father, Thranduil.”

Kili looks between Legolas and his father before sticking his hand out, looking at Thranduil expectantly. Thranduil blinks at him slowly before cautiously taking his hand and shaking it twice before he lets go and turns back to his ‘baking’.

Legolas shrugs apologetically before nodding towards the stairs, “C’mon.” Kili follows him up to his room, admiring the artwork and various plant life strewn about the Oropherion home the entire way.

He’s admittedly impressed when Legolas opens his bedroom door, gesturing him to sit wherever. It’s a big room, slightly more so than Kili’s own, with green walls. Photographs are strewn across a desk in front of a laptop, piles of books on the floor and an impressive collection of cameras line a floating shelf. He thinks to himself that he’s sure he probably isn’t able to name half of the plants in the room while making his way to the bed.

“You guys really, really like green don’t you?” He gestures towards the foliage making up the windowsill, it’s not so much a question as it is a statement.

Legolas sits crossed-legged on the floor, he looks around for a second, “Why? Is it weird?” His knits his eyebrows together before explaining, “We used to have a greenhouse but it just kind of spilled over into the actual house and now it’s just a part of the decor. Too much?”

“No, no, it’s very nice. Very… you.” He notices Legolas smile at that, “Anyway, how did your project go?”

Legolas shrugs, “It went pretty smoothly, I’ll get a good mark on it, at least. I think. Haldir, he was my partner, is really bad at deadlines and I’m surprised we even finished it on time. Like, I’m a photography student and he’s into interior design but we both have to take Art History for our major and it’s possibly the most boring class in existence.”

“Shit, I feel that. I have Econ with the most eccentric professor in the world.” Kili smiles sheepishly, “I mostly play WoW in it and copy people’s notes.”

“No shame in that.” Legolas laughs, “Tauriel used to do the same thing to me in high school. She’s, like, a year younger than me so she always was asking me to email her copies of this or that for her classes.”

“Oh good, we have something else in common.” Kili blushes immediately, “I mean. That sounds awful, jesus. I’m just going to shut up now.”

Legolas snorts and raises his eyebrow at Kili. “Do you even have her number or anything?” He notices when Kili looks down and flushes even more, mumbling that he does not. Rolling his eyes he tosses his phone to Kili. “Here, she’s under Cousin and a dog emoji.”

Kili looks up at Legolas, his eyes wide. “Really? Would she be okay with you giving her number out?”

Legolas smirks at him. “Trust me, when she finds out who I gave it to she’ll be ecstatic.”

Kili smiles and saves Tauriel’s contact information into his phone.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

The brunette thinks for a moment, “I have a question.”

“Hm?”

“Obviously I’m terrible, beyond terrible, with my own love life. How do you set up two people you think are _absolutely perfect_ for each other?”

Legolas blinks.

He’d only ever considered the prospect possible from a television show. Did people actually do that?

“I’m not sure. Do they know each other? Honestly if this situation is anything like the unrequited love my father apparently has for the new neighbor, then I wouldn't risk it.” Legolas laughs at his own joke. 

“Nope, they've never met, actually. I’m thinking that’s in my favour, though. In favour of the mission, at least.”

“Mission?”

“Mission Dwori. I’ve been thinking ages on how to get them together. It’s kind of weird, I guess. Dwalin works for my uncle, he’s a construction guy, and Ori works at the library. They’re basically polar opposites, right? But that’s what makes it so fucking perfect, too!”

Legolas gives Kili a smile, his brows pulled together in worry as he does, “Maybe you should introduce them to each other first, Kee. See if they even like each other.”

“They totally will though.”

“You seem really convinced. Hang out and convince them both separately that the stars have aligned specifically for them to be together after all that, then.”

Legolas and Kili both laugh loudly at that.

"And I think it's my uncle with the unrequited love-thing. Your dad's just making it that much harder for him."

"He tends to do that with nearly everything."

"I can't wait to see uncle's reaction to the fucking cookies he's making. Dude, I think I saw a fucking watering can with a bow tied around it. They're all fucking nuts. You're alright, though, mate."

Legolas stands up, “Yeah? Right back at you. I wish my father would get over himself and see that too. About the both of us.” He brushes his jeans off, gesturing towards the door, “C’mon. Lets see what the trainwreck has cooked up anyways.”

Kili perks up at the mention of food, even if it’s bad food. He stands and follows Legolas out of the bedroom and down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

Thranduil is leaned over the counter, wine glass in hand, two platters of cookies next to him. He frowns at the liquid and swishes it around, sighing heavily as Legolas and Kili walk in.

“Hey Ada.”

“Hello, son.”

“These look pretty good! I’m surprised.”

Thranduil turns around, so tall he nearly sits on the countertop when he leans back once more. He raises a brow, “I’ll assume that’s a compliment. Feel free to take what you’d like from the plate on the left, boys.”

Legolas instructs Kili to sit at the bar counter as he grabs some glasses from the cabinet and hands them to him. He reaches in the fridge for their milk carton and grabs the entire platter before joining Kili, waving his dad over as well.

Thranduil rolls his eyes but complies.

Legolas and Kili nibble on cookies and sip their milk in silence for a few minutes while Thranduil finishes his wine. It’s a calm moment they’re all happy to share, even if Kili still feels uncomfortable next to the six a half foot tall father.

“You really did ace on these. Like, genuinely impressed by them, they’re lovely.” Kili graces Thranduil with a peace offering disguised as a compliment.

Thranduil gives the hint of a smile as he plays with his wine glass.

“Hm. Thank you, Kili.” He pauses, pondering on something for a moment before continuing, “They’re for the man who just bought the house next to yours, actually. Legolas hates anything I make, so I’m glad they’ll be enjoyed. You can take a few with you when you go home if you’d like.” He wants to add ‘just don’t give any to your snivy uncle’ but refrains.

Kili nods excitedly as he gulps down the last of his milk, checking his phone for the time. “Speaking of which, I really gotta go. Thank you for having me.”

Thranduil gets up, grabbing a ziploc before dumping some sweets in and handing them to Kili. “Enjoy.”

Legolas walks with him to the front door and pats him on the back. “Was really nice having you. I think you’ve convinced my dad not all you Durinsons are sons of the devil.” He winks, “Come back some time!”

Kili chuckles, “I will, mate. Bye.”


	7. III October

This is the moment, Fili is sure of it.

He is going to die.

Death is going to take him in the form of sore muscles and bruised skin then bury him violently beneath the crushing dirt of the football field. His lungs are on fire, his legs sore to the point he’s nearly in tears, seconds away from giving in. He’s sure he’d collapse if he had the energy to take any impact from the fall.

Fili was good at football, his scholarship and acceptance into Oxford relied heavily on his skill. He was brilliant as well but the sport was his passion.

Too bad passion didn’t mean practice would refrain from kicking his ass.

“Death is near. Goodbye, my friends. Tell my family I loved them.” Fili gasps as he gingerly sits crossed legged on the field before falling back anyways.

He hears Bard and Boromir laugh gruffly before the latter speaks, “You’re so fucking weak, Durinson.”

Fili rolls his eyes, “You’re one to talk, Gondor, your ass is on the ground too.” He props himself up onto his elbows and grabs Bard’s outstretched hand, lifting himself up then brushing his shorts off, legs only slightly shaking now.

“Let’s get you both into the showers.” Bard winks as he helps Boromir up as well.

“Your life’s dream, Wiglaf. Getting me into the showers with you.”

Bard snorts his reply, “You fucking wish.”

The trio push each other back and forth in a mock brawl until they reach the building, groaning in unison when they walk in on their coach mid-rant.

____________________________________________________________________

Fili shrugs on a loose fitting tee before stuffing his practice clothes into his duffel bag, making a mental note to do laundry some time this week. He feels Bard put an arm around his shoulder and looks next to him.

“We gettin’ drinks tonight, lads? First round’s on me.” The dark haired man grins widely as he shakes his wallet.

“I can’t believe you’re _smiling_.” Boromir groans and Fili nods his agreement as he pulls his car keys out of his back pocket, “Was just thinking about going home for the night, actually.”

“We can order pizza and play video games instead, then.”

They all place their bags over their shoulders and trudge out towards the parking lot.

Fili silently wonders how he’s going to get the stench of three grown men out of his car as he puts his bag in the trunk. He climbs into the driver’s seat and sighs in relief, turning the key and pulling out of the parking space.

“Who’s this now?” Bard’s voice breaks the silence of the car ride.

“What’s what?” Fili glances over to the passenger seat for a moment, barely noticing his phone in Bard’s hands.

“You’re brother and something about a Legolas.”

Fili blinks for a moment then groans.

Boromir laughs.

____________________________________________________________________

Boromir lounges across the sofa, Bard tucked away into the sofa’s corner opposite him while Fili sits on the floor, controllers in hand.

“Coach doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. I mean, is he serious? Killing us the week before we play Cambridge isn’t the way to go about helping us win.”

Boromir shrugs at Bard, “Could be worse. At least he didn’t red-card you for that stunt you pulled on Alfrid.”

“Wouldn’t have anyway. Wanker had it coming and they both knew it.”

Fili replays the moment over in his mind. Alfrid was their goalie, and he had been sneering at Bard the whole practice and making comments about Bard’s playing, distracting him. Bard had a serious vendetta against Alfrid already, and that pushed him over the edge. So at one point when Bard had the ball, he kicked it directly at Alfrid’s head, breaking his nose.

Their coach had been pretty mad about it, but it had gotten Alfrid removed from their games for the next two weeks. Everyone on the team had congratulated Bard afterwards, only half-joking.

“So, is Kili coming down to watch the game this Sunday?” Boromir asks as he turns off the game.

“Yeah, probably. My mum and uncle too, I think. Cambridge is a pretty big deal. Is your brother coming?”

“I don’t know if dad’ll let ‘im.”

Fili frowns at the mention of Denethor, he feels bad for Faramir most of the time. He looks up when Bard pats him on the head, “What about Legolas?”

“Hilarious.”

“I’m being serious! Nothing will get you into this… guy’s… pants?  
Quicker than letting him watch you do the only thing you’re actually good at.”

Fili punches Bard in the shoulder. “Yes, Legolas is a guy. And wow, you arse. I don’t think he’s really the sports type. And if he was, he’d be like, into tennis and shit.”

“Are you sure he’s your type?”

“He’s pretty cool, really. His dad’s a total wreck, though.” Fili raises an eyebrow in Boromir’s direction, “Only slightly better than yours, I think. Anyway, I don’t know that much about him, but I think he totally likes me too.” He gives a thoughtful look before continuing, “I mean, he _did_ kiss me back.”

Bard leans forward, grinning. “You didn’t mention before that you kissed him! Show us a picture then, I wanna see if he’s hot enough to warrant not liking football.”

Fili rolls his eyes but pulls out his phone, opening up Facebook and finding Legolas’ name. He clicks on his profile picture and holds his phone out to Bard, who whistles. “Damn this kid could hate everything I love and probably get away with it.”

Boromir points to the screen, “Who’s that, then?”

“I think his cousin or something. Speaking of, Kili has a thing for her.”

Bard snorts, “Is that why he’s been going fucking insane over your weekly Skype calls?”

“Is it the whole family?” Boromir wrinkles his nose before continuing, “Fucking Durinson’s, you’re all so fucking weird.”

Bard snorts at his friend but then turns his attention back to Fili, “Does Legolas have a brother?”

Fili rolls his eyes but thumbs through his phone anyways, “No, but his dad looks like this.” He holds up another picture from Legolas’ Facebook and Bard grins.

“I thought you said the dad was a wreck!”

Fili sighs, “Emotionally, Bard. He’s an _emotional_ wreck.”

“It’s so sweet how you all have something in common,” Boromir shakes his head, grabbing his bag and pulling it over his shoulder. “I’ll see you both Sunday!”

“See ya!”

“Don’t forget that Monday you’re all invited to ours after the haunted house.”

“How could we?”

____________________________________________________________________

Fili opens his laptop and clicks on the Skype icon, drumming his fingers on the mousepad while he waits for the program to open so he can call his brother. As soon as Skype opens and he’s registered as online, he gets ten messages in a row from Kili. Rolling his eyes, he hits the video call button and waits for him to answer.

“Can you see me?”

Fili closes his eyes and rubs his temples, “Yes, Kili, that’s generally how this works.”

“Good.” The brunette immediately holds up Smeagol and Gollum, “What do you think?”

Fili opens one eye and immediately regrets it. The spotted rat is wearing a tiny cowboy outfit, with a hat that looks like it belonged to a Woody doll from Toy Story, and the grey rat is wearing a tiny red cape with matching devil horns. He blinks, then asks, “Why?”

“I’m bringing them with us to the haunted house! Faramir wanted to meet them.”

“You don’t -- Why are -- Why?” He asks again.

“It’ll be fine. Anyways, Tauriel is gonna be staying here again for a few days, she’ll be here tomorrow! We’re all coming to watch you play Cambridge and then drive back to spend Halloween and Durin’s Day together. Legolas’ invited Haldir, although I’m not quite sure who that is, and Faramir asked if Bard would come as well!”

“Do the Oropherion’s even celebrate Durin’s Day?”

Kili shrugs, “I dunno.”

“Awesome.” Fili sighs exasperatedly.

“You’re gonna have a good time, don’t be such an arsehole.”

Fili groans and drops his head before realizing what Kili has just said and pops his head back up, “Wait! Do you think this Haldir or whatever is his boyfriend?” He chews his bottom lip, worried. If it was, then he was so fucked. He wonders if Legolas has told Kili, or anyone, about how they kissed.

Kili waves his hand and laughs. “No, it’s not his boyfriend.” He’s ninety-nine percent certain, at least, “I’m pretty sure he has a huge crush on you, so don’t worry about it.”

“I guess we’ll know in a couple days.”

____________________________________________________________________

Fili is nervous, but not about the game. He gives a weak smile when he spots Kili waving his arms to get his attention, Legolas standing next to him talking to Faramir. He nudges Bard’s shoulder and nods towards the group, beginning to walk over.

“Hey Kili.” He’s immediately engulfed in a hug, patting his brother’s back and laughing at how overexcitable he is.

Bard raises a brow, nodding to Kili before his eyes lock on the tall blonde in front of him, “You must be the infamous Legolas.” He grins before putting a hand on his shoulder, “Fili’s told us so much about you!”

Legolas smiles then deadpans, “I’ve heard nothing about you.”

Fili stares at them both, his dread growing, but Bard’s grin doesn’t falter for a second.

“Aye, I’m sure it’s hard to talk when you’re so busy making out.” Legolas raises his eyebrow and turns his gaze to Fili. “Indeed.” Fili wonders idly if it’s possible to actually die of embarrassment.

Kili grabs Tauriel’s hand and gently pulls her into the conversation, “This is Tauriel, she’s Legolas’ cousin.” He smiles at her, “Tauriel, this is my brother Fili, and this is his best friend Bard.” He pauses and looks at Faramir, “You already met him.” She smiles and bows her head politely at Fili and Bard.

Fili smiles and waves a little. “Hi, Tauriel. Kili is always talking about you.” Kili shoots him a glare, which he ignores.

Faramir breaks the tension between everyone in their tiny group, “We should let you go so you can get ready for the game and so we can find some good seats.”

Kili nods, “Uncle and mum are meeting with Denethor and they said they’ll catch up with all of us after the game. He said not to let him down.” He winks.

Legolas stops glaring at Bard to smile innocently at Fili. “Good luck.” Fili gives him a weak smile in return and nods in thanks before jogging off in the direction of his team mates. He pulls out his phone and texts Legolas a quick `will explain l8r im so sorry Dx` before stuffing it in his duffle bag and preparing for the game.

____________________________________________________________________

It was a close game, but in the end they won with Bard scoring the last goal, much to Alfrid’s irritation. The crowd had cheered loudly, and Fili had spotted his friends and family in the bleachers, all cheering and jumping up and down.

Even Legolas had put his hands up in the air, cheering with the rest of them.

Fili grins at his teammates and collects his duffle bag before making his way to the parking lot, spotting Thorin and the rest of his family standing by their car. He waves and sprints the rest of the way.

“Good job! You did great, I’m so proud!” Thorin says, clapping Fili hard on the back. Fili winces but smiles, glad to have made his uncle proud. Kili draws him into a hug, rambling excitedly.

“You were great! And Bard scoring the last goal, it was amazing! And Tauriel loved it because she likes sports too, did you know she used to play rugby? Even Legolas was cheering! Did you see us?” Fili laughs and hugs his brother back fiercely. “Yes I saw all of you. I’m glad you enjoyed yourselves.”

Kili grins at him before climbing into their mum's large SUV, with Fili following. Fili unzips his duffle bag and takes out his phone, and sees he has a few texts from Legolas.

`i dont like bard hes annoying`

Fili snorts at this, because Bard is annoying.

`did you really say we made out all the time? bc if so i dont know if i should be offended or flattered`

He groans before reading the last one, 

`you did great btw :* knew you would win`

He makes a face as he types his reply: 

`NO i only showed them what you looked like from fb pics and might have said we kissed ONE TIME bard was just being embarrassing `

He sighs and hits send, hoping that Legolas doesn’t actually hate Bard. Bard was obnoxious and annoying, but he was Fili’s best friend.

His phone buzzes and he looks down to read it. 

`suuuuuure ;P i think im flattered and not offended i mean at least im pretty enough to be bragged about`

Fili rolls his eyes but smiles as he replies once more, 

`you are MORE than pretty enough to be bragged about`

He shoves his phone back into his pocket and plays with his seatbelt. Kili breaks from his conversation with Boromir and Bard to nudge his brother with his knee, “Tauriel and Legolas are gonna head back home now but Uncle wants to take us all out for dinner before we go back, a sort of celebratory thing.”

Fili rolls his eyes, petting Kili’s head, “Good. We’ll need to keep our strength up if we’re gonna have to deal with Thranduil tomorrow.”

Faramir puts his hands on Fili’s shoulders, leaning up from the very backseat, “Don’t forget to bring your costume when we stop by your flat. Legs is gonna _love_ it!” He laughs.

Fili groans and rubs his temples, a new habit he seemed to be forming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know it's the end of July but our timeline is weird. Give us ideas for everyone's costumes if you'd like!
> 
> Next chapter will focus more on Kiliel and we'll get into weird Durin's Day celebrations.
> 
>  
> 
> ps of COURSE Dis is 100% soccer mom


	8. IV October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added quite a bit of Kiliel into this chapter, right now they're pretty much BFFs. Smeagol and Gollum are wearing their costumes from last chapter, that's why Fili has Smeag on his shoulder. They match.

Faramir is excited, a rare emotion that he greets with open arms. Or he would, if it wasn’t for the fact he was currently carrying two armfuls of black and orange streamers.

Denethor had agreed to give Boromir and him the house for the night, allowing them to invite over their friends. He happily decorates, humming the chorus to his favorite song while doing so. He only slightly jumps when Boromir noisily dumps the rest of the decorations onto the floor behind him before speaking.

"I told Fíli we'd pick them up around six, I'm pretty sure Bard said something about wanting everyone there by seven."

Faramir gives a thoughtful look, "I bet Kíli is gonna want to go through the maize maze."

"I figured. We'll probably get home around ten, just in time for horror films."

"I'm so excited. Dad has been awful lately, I couldn't believe it when he agreed. He's gonna be so pissed if we fuck this up."

Boromir claps his hand against Faramir's back, "That's why we're gonna be careful." Faramir nods and they get back to work.

They prepare the living room in black and orange with paper bats and white sheet ghosts and balloons and even pull out the old Frankenstein's monster tablecloth for the snack table.

Boromir isn't too much into the holiday but he likes to make his brother happy so he got their father to approve their party under house rules and begrudgingly agreed to wear a costume if only to humor Faramir. Thinking of it, he decides it's nearly time to start getting ready with that bit of it anyways and heads upstairs to begin preparations.

“I’m gonna go put my costume on.” he says over his shoulder at his brother, who is busy arranging snacks on the table.

He trudges upstairs and into his room and stares down at his costume before heaving a sigh. Dressing up is something he would have stopped doing as a child, but his brother loves Halloween and is younger so Boromir has been dressing up almost every year since Faramir was old enough to understand the concept.

He holds up the fake ear points and fangs, sighing deeply. He is recycling an older costume he had shoved in the back of his closet at home, a werewolf, complete with itchy beard held on by liquid latex and ripped shirt donning fake fur and claw slashes. He hears Faramir shout up the stairs, asking in a mocking tone if he’s 'ready, or does he need help?' Boromir rolls his eyes and steps into the ripped jeans of his costume, shouting back, “No, ass. I’m almost done!”

He comes back down the stairs, relieved to see Faramir is already wearing his own costume, albeit a bit disappointed in choice.

"I just spent ten minutes painting a fucking dog nose on my face and you're wearing eyeshadow?"

Faramir shrugs, adjusting the clasp on his cape and popping in some fake fangs. He takes a swig of something red and swishes it around in his mouth, allowing it to dribble over his lips and down his chin then breaks out into a grin.

"I'm a fucking vampire, Bo. How badass?"

Boromir rolls his eyes but jests anyway, "So badass. Now let's go."

____________________________________________________________________

Everyone finally arrives to the old English country home at half-seven, their group reuniting and admiring each other’s costumes.

Tauriel and Legolas are decided to be the best, although Fili thinks Hawkeye in short-shorts is unfair since it’s not canonical. Legolas couldn’t care less after seeing how the other blonde, dressed as a simple american-western cowboy, blushes. In fact, he’s sure Fili’s costume is no coincidence of it’s own, although he probably could have done without Gollum as an accessory. His redheaded cousin, dressed as Natasha Romanoff, hangs onto Kili, who is dressed in a rat kigu, claiming it is ‘so him’ and is ‘great since it has pockets to keep Smeagol and Gollum in’. Bard, urging everyone towards the haunted house eagerly, is dressed like a pirate. Haldir tags along behind everyone, his Thor costume the embarrassing proof that he is Legolas’ best friend. He hates the Avengers.

They get their wristbands from a man at the door, scruffy looking and tall, who wishes them all a ‘Happy Halloween’ then let's them into the house.

It takes them a devastatingly long amount of time to make it through. Everyone had been taking turns dragging Kili along with them and at some point Fili had twisted his ankle, angry at first then happily obliging when Legolas handed his quiver to Haldir before offering up a piggyback ride and to top it all off Boromir had attacked a fake zombie prop out of instinct when it frightened his brother.

The tall man is present once more when they make it out the last door, a smile on his face, "How'd you like it?"

Kili is the first to speak up,"It was AWESOME! That's the best haunted house I've been to. And the different themes were cool too!"

He nods his head, "I'm glad. I'm Beorn, by the way. I see your friend has hurt himself. Or does he just enjoy being carried around?"

Fili makes a face and Bard laughs, "he probably does, but this time he twisted his ankle."

"Shut up, Wiglaf."

Tauriel pipes up before they can argue, realizing they haven't introduced themselves back, "His name is Fili. That's Bard, Boromir, Faramir, Haldir, Legolas and," she points to the boy whose hand she's holding, "This is Kili."

"Quite a group you have there." Beorn laughs, "The maze is over there, let me grab some torches. Oh, and if your friend would like he can help me hand out tickets and wristbands. Anyone who doesn't want to go, really. I could use the help."

“We’ll stay and help,” Legolas smiles and sets a grumbling Fili back down.

“You don’t have to stay with me.”

“I want to.” He turns to Beorn, “What would you have us do first?”

“Wonderful! Come over this way.”

As Beorn hands everyone a flashlight before leading Fili and Legolas away the rest of the group head towards the maze.

Bard grins, “So, why’re you both holding hands, then?”

Kili blushes and Tauriel laughs, “I’m keeping him safe, the baby.” She teases Kili, squeezing his hand.

“Leave ‘em alone,” Faramir chastises gently.

“Just havin’ a bit o’ fun.”

They decide to split into groups: Kili and Tauriel head in one direction, Faramir and Boromir in another and Bard and Haldir head out together.

____________________________________________________________________

“Who do you think will finish first?” Tauriel asks, standing on her tip toes in a vain attempt to see ahead and waving their light source around.

“Probably Boromir and Faramir.” Kili’s still holding her hand, Smeagol riding on his shoulder giving out the random squeak here and there, “But it’s still fun, right?”

She leans into his side, “I’m having a great time, Kee. Thranduil usually just has me and Legs hand out candy. We do get free range of the wine cellar, though.”

“He has an entire cellar?”

“Of course. It’s his pride and joy,” She laughs then sighs, looking around, “I wish I would have brought Quincy, he’d probably be ace at helping us out of here.”

Kili unlaces their fingers to wrap an arm around her waist, a bit of a bold move on his part he thinks, “Please, miss, don’t underestimate me. I’ll be a hero and lead us out of here.” He winks in false confidence.

She laughs, bumping his hip with hers “I have every faith in you.”

____________________________________________________________________

“So what’s the story between you and Legolas?”

“What are you talking about?” Haldir raises a brow, looking down at the pirate.

“I mean… are you guys like… a _thing_?”

The blonde immediately breaks out into laughter, nearly stumbling as they turn a corner, “God, fuck no. Legolas is my best mate. That’d be horrible.”

Bard gives him a sheepish smile, “Fili was worried.”

“Oh please.” Haldir puts a hand on Bard’s shoulder, “That poor bastard is in love with him. He’s the only thing Legs will talk about, always ‘Fili texted me this’ and ‘Fili that’”

“You think you have problems? I’m almost sure we nearly lost the game against Cambridge because Fili was daydreaming about making out with him in the middle of the field. He was like ‘Did Legolas see that goal?’ and ‘What if he thinks I’m disgusting after this, I need to get to the showers’ when we finished.” Bard shakes his head, “Ridiculous.”

“Okay. Yeah, maybe you win.” Haldir points, “Is that the exit?”

____________________________________________________________________

“We’ve been walking around in circles, we’ve passed that same scarecrow three times, Bo!”

“It’s a maze, so we can’t possibly be making any circles.”

Faramir groans loudly, “You know what I mean. Either way, it’s the same fucking scarecrow.”

“It’s fine.”

“It won’t be fine when everyone is back at our house but us! I made some really good snacks, too!”

“Shut up.”

Faramir puts a horrified look on his face, “ _Boromir_!”

“ _Shut up_ , Faramir. I think I can hear Kili.”

“We must be near the exit!”

“Or they’re just as lost as we are.”

Boromir is pleasantly wrong as he and Faramir cross the threshold from neverending corn to civilization. The younger shouts a victory as he thrusts the flashlight into Boromir’s hand, running towards their group.

“Thank god. We thought you’d died in there,” Kili laughs.

“I thought I was going to die in there. Boromir can’t take directions for shit, actually, if it hadn’t been for your big mouth we probably wouldn’t have made it.”

“Rude!” Kili yells, a smile on his face.

“Now, now, _children_ ,” Boromir chides, “Let’s get back home. I’m fucking starving.”

Tauriel gets up from her place on Kili’s lap and chirps, “I’ll go get Legs and Fee.”

“Am I missing something?” Faramir asks Boromir quizzically.

“Oh, little brother.”

____________________________________________________________________

After a long drive home and a break to change into pyjamas (aside from Kili, who announced that his rat kigu technically counted as pyjamas) everyone’s in the living room of the Gondorian house.

Tauriel, sitting on Kili’s lap once more, feeds him popcorn and laughs when he sticks his tongue out, eating it like a lizard. “You’re unbelievably strange, do you know that?”

“I’m fun,” He watches as she he rolls her eyes, grinning at him, “You’d be lucky to land a guy like me.”

“Would I?” She stifles a laugh.

“Yeah,” he feins disinterest, “Too bad I don’t belong to anyone. Too wild and free.”

Tauriel can’t help but break out into giggles, “God.”

Fili is propped up next to Legolas in front of the sofa, his injured leg forgotten for now as they listen to Haldir and Faramir argue over the first film they’re going to watch.

“Your brother really likes her.”

“Yeah.” Fili looks up at the pair, then back down. Silence for a few moments. “Haldir seems nice.”

Legolas raises a brow, inching his hand towards Fili’s, “He is.”

He frowns slightly, “You like him?”

“He’s okay.” Legolas puts his hand over Fili’s, happy with the contact.

Fili blushes for what feels like the hundredth time tonight, staring intensely down at their hands before sighing, “Sucks I have to go back home tomorrow.”

“You’ll be back in November, though, won’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t know when though.”

Bard make an appearance, sitting down on Fili’s lap and draping himself across Legolas’ “Am I interrupting something?”

Fili groans when Legolas moves his hand away, but is thankful for the distraction anyway, “Get off, I’m _injured_!”

“Sure as hell didn’t hurt your mouth any. Besides, it’s nice here, I think I’ll stay.”

Haldir and Faramir finally decide on a film, sitting next to Kili on the sofa after popping the disc into the player. Boromir comes out a few minutes later, blankets and pillows in his arms, handing them to everyone.

They get through three movies before most of them are asleep. Legolas and Tauriel are the last ones awake.

“When’s the wedding?” Legolas whispers quietly from Fili’s side.

“Funny.”

“I’m serious. He likes you.”

Tauriel snuggles back into Kili’s chest, his arm around her, “He doesn’t know what he likes.”

“You’re practically together already.”

“I’ll tell him when you tell Fili.”

Legolas huffs, “Goodnight, Tauriel.”

“‘Night, Legs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments welcome! Let us know what you want to see :) 
> 
> [Don't forget to follow the blog for this AU](http://thehobbitsitcom.tumblr.com/)!


	9. I November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After quite a bit of filler, the plot is finally moving along with this chapter ;)

The following morning everyone helps clean the living room then rushes out of the Gondorian home before Denethor returns. Fili and Kili leave a little early, claiming they have a 'family thing', leaving Bard to finish cleaning up and go home with Legolas and Tauriel after. Haldir sneaks away in the midst of it all.

____________________________________________________________________

"So you've actually never listened to them?"

"No, Bard." Legolas sits in the passenger seat, arm resting against the window while he massages his temples. He would happily become friends with Fili's flat mate if only the man were... Less annoying. Or had better taste in music. He’s grateful when Tauriel parks in their driveway, quickly opening his door and waving to Bard, “I’ll see you later.”

“Did I say something?” Bard asks Tauriel sheepishly, finger waving back to the blonde.

“Nah. He’s just a loon. We’ll come over soon, make sure Kili doesn't eat everything." They both laugh and exit the car, walking to separate houses.

When Bard enters the Durinson home he's surprised to find Thorin bustling about, already wearing his heavy furs and stomping around in his boots. Stranger yet is his loose hair, twin plaits frame either side of his face. He can't remember the last time he'd seen Thorin without his hair pulled back.

"Hello, son." The man calls out the second time he passes, this time with a tray from the kitchen.

"Um, hi, Thorin. Where's Fili?"

"Trying to braid that rats nest Kili calls hair."

Bard laughs, "I wouldn't put it past him to let his actually rats sleep in his hair, honestly. Thanks."

He climbs up the stairs and rounds the corner to the hallway where Fili and Kili's rooms are. He's greeted by the sound of a groaning Kili, no doubt already frustrated with the holiday prep.

"Fili, it's not worth it. I'll just wear my hair half-up."

"One of us has got to wear braids and I've got the sides of my head shaved."

"It's not my fault you like stupid looking haircuts."

"Am I interrupting something?" Bard leans against the threshold of Fili's bedroom door, arms crossed. He smiles when Kili gives him a pleading look.

"Thank god! Talk some sense into him, please. Tell him my hair is fine the way it is."

Bard looks the brothers up and down. They're both wearing long shirts and brown trousers. In a strange way it suits them, Bard thinks. "Let Kili have his hair back, we'll figure something out to do with yours, Fee."

"Fine. But I better look badass. Like a fucking Viking or some shit."

"I owe you one!" Kili messes his hair back up, loosening what braids are left before standing up and leaving, grabbing his coat on the way out.

____________________________________________________________________

"Oh hello sweethearts!" Dis greets Fili and Bard when they ascend the stairs, running over to hug her son first then him, "How've you been, Bard?"

"Oh, I've been good, Ms. Durinson." He smiles and returns the hug, "You look lovely."

She grins, "Thank you, dear. And it's Dis, how many times do I have to tell you?"

The doorbell rings as the trio make their way into the living room, followed by Kili getting up and excitedly yelling 'I'll get it' behind his shoulder.

When he opens the door he's disappointed to find it's the wrong redhead behind it, "It's just Ori!"

Ori wrinkles his nose as he walks in, "Just Ori, huh?"

"Sorry, mate. Not nearly as exciting as Tauriel."

Ori is greeted by everyone in the house before teasing Bard about being the only one not in some form of traditional clothing. A while later Dwalin shows up, disappointing Kili once again.

Finally, the redhead and blonde from next door turn up.

Kili leads them in, introducing them to Ori, Dwalin and his family.

He grabs Tauriel’s hand after introductions and leads her away, into the kitchen to speak.

“So, what do you think?”  
She smiles warmly, tucking loose hairs behind hair her ear, “I think the holiday is interesting… and I’m quite fond of you in that outfit. It’s quite different from what my family wears for our own holidays.”

Kili wiggles his eyebrows, “I can make _anything_ look good, my dear. Even though I bet you look a thousand times better when you celebrate.”

“It’s all just fancy robes, really. Thranduil is the flashiest, Legolas is a close second, oh, but don’t tell him I said that. I mostly like the circlets. Anyways, what else is there to this holiday aside from strange clothes?”

Kili leans back against the counter next to Tauriel, propping himself up by his elbows, “Well, it’s more fun when there’s more people, but we have a cèilidh and uncle usually tells stories of the blue mountains, where our family is from. It’ll be fun, and Fili plays a mean bodhrán.”

“Don’t let him fool you, Kili can really shred a fiddle.” Thorin walks in and winks at them, grabbing a roll of paper towels.

“Oh my god,” Tauriel puts her hand over her mouth, stifling some giggles.

“Thanks, uncle.”

“Any time, now come out and join us you two.”

Kili takes Tauriel’s hand as they walk out of the kitchen.

____________________________________________________________________

Legolas sits on the sofa, Fili on the floor in front of him. He runs his fingers through Fili’s hair, humming as they listen to the last of Thorin’s tale. He finds the blonde’s hair surprisingly soft, and long. He wonders why Fili doesn’t wear his hair down more often.

“... And that is why we celebrate Durin’s Day.”

Fili can’t help but roll his eyes, though well aware the story must be exciting to Legolas and Tauriel. He leans into the legs behind him to whisper, “Now comes the exciting part. Dwalin’s singing.”

“You’re just jealous, all you’re good at is beating a drum.”

“I’m hurt,” Fili feigns a pained expression, “Without my bodhran there’d be no ceilidh. I’m literally the heart of the band, don’t ‘cha know.”

“Aye, and if you want that heart to keep beating I suggest you shut it so the lad at your side can enjoy the show,” Dwalin winks at Legolas as Thorin passes him another round of guinness.

Tauriel perks up, holding out her glass when the beer comes around once more. She settles back into her spot on the floor next to Kili, “Yes, please. I can’t wait to hear this one,” she nudges him, “and all his skills.”

Kili laughs, “I can’t wait to disappoint you.”

“You could never.”

Ori taps Kili’s head with his flute, “Alright lovebirds.”

Tauriel and Legolas watch in amusement and wonder as the troupe begins.

____________________________________________________________________

By the end of it all everyone’s laughing and talking, winding down for the evening. Legolas and Kili are somber, sad that Fili and Bard have left for Oxford once more while Tauriel tries to comfort them both.

Dis comes to her aid, bearing chocolate cake and sweets, even wrapping some up for the two Oropherion’s to take home.

“You’re both such nice kids, I’m sorry my brother is such a nuisance to your father.”

Tauriel smiles, holding back a ‘oh, but he’s not my father’ while Legolas thanks her. When Dis returns to her brother and Dwalin, Tauriel wraps her arms around Kili’s waist, just tall enough to rest her head on his shoulder, “You gonna be alright, big guy?”

“Yeah…” He trails off, “This used to be my favourite holiday, even more than Hanukkah most of the time. But every year he has to leave earlier and earlier, he used to at least spend the night.”

“Maybe we can do something tomorrow? I’m not leaving until Friday, you know.”

He nods after a moment, “I’d like that.”

She nuzzles her face into the back of his shoulder, squeezing him tightly, “Just text me when you get home.”

“I only have a morning lecture,” He moves his head to the side, resting against hers, “You never came over to see my rats perform.”

“That’s perfect, Kee.”

____________________________________________________________________

The next day, Kili manages to drag himself out of bed in time to get ready for his morning lecture. He yawns, sending a quick good morning text to Tauriel. He doesn’t bother changing out of his pajamas, opting to shrug on a hoodie as he walks over to his rats’ cage.

Gollum stands on his hind legs, front legs braced against the side of the cage, and squeaks loudly at him, while Smeagol is still curled up sleeping in his hammock.

Kili smiles and wiggles his finger to Gollum as a hello. He feeds them before shuffling into the bathroom to brush his teeth and put on some deodorant. He walks down the stairs, combing his fingers through his hair before giving up, tying it up in a messy bun.

Dis is awake, cooking herself breakfast, “Hi sweetheart. What are your plans for the day?” She asks him, grabbing toast out of the toaster.

He smiles at her, stealing a slice after she butters it, and replies, “Got class for a bit and then I’m gonna have Tauriel over so she can see Gollum and Smeagol do tricks!”

Dis shakes her head smiling, “You better go on then, don’t want you to be late to your lecture dear.”

He nods and kisses her cheek before heading towards the door. He hums to himself as he walks the route to school.When he gets there he sees Faramir and waves him over immediately. His friend grins and jogs over to him.

“Dude guess what?” Kili starts as soon as Faramir gets close enough to listen, “Tauriel is coming over after my class today!”

Faramir punches Kili’s shoulder lightly. “Dude, nice! Whatcha gonna do?”

“I’m gonna show her the new tricks my rats have learned.” He replies grinning.

Faramir chuckles and they make their way into the building. When they get into the classroom, they spot Ori, and make their way over to him to sit down. Ori waves at them before going back to drawing something in his sketchbook.

Kili leans over to see but Ori pulls it away and glares at him. “Whatcha got there, Ori?” He asks, grinning.

Ori huffs, but he starts to blush. “It’s nothing! Just some doodles! Leave me alone, jerk.” Kili rolls his eyes and slumps back into his seat to pay attention to his professor.

____________________________________________________________________

After class ends Kili is anxious to get home quickly so he waves goodbye to Ori and Faramir and practically sprints back home. He texts Tauriel to tell her to come over as he reaches his front door.

He waits until he sees her walk outside and shouts her name, making her look over and smile before jogging over to his side.

“C’mon, the boys are so excited to do their tricks for you!”

She grins at how silly he’s being. “Yeah? I’m excited to see them do their tricks.” He grabs her hand and practically drags her upstairs in his excitement.

They get to his room and Tauriel sits on his bed while he opens the rat cage and pulls out the two boys. He walks over to her and holds them up next to her face. “The dark one is Gollum and the light one is Smeagol.”

She coos and scratches Smeagol’s head, making him squeak. “Aw, he likes you!” Kili says happily.

“You think?” She goes to pet Gollum’s head but he squeaks loudly and moves his head away from her finger, making her frown, “This one, though.”

Kili sets them on his shoulders before waving a hand, “He’s like that with everyone at first, but he’ll warm up soon enough. Now, on with the show.”

He gets down on his knees in front of her. “Here, hold out your hand. Don’t like, jump or yelp or anything, yeah?” She rolls her eyes but remains silent as she puts her hand out in front of her. He puts a treat in her hand and says, “Smeagol.”

Smeagol immediately leaps from Kili’s shoulder onto Tauriel’s hand. She lets him grab the treat and eat it before holding him up and scratching his head, giggling. He grins and sits back on the floor, placing his left hand on the floor allowing Gollum to run down his arm. He looks around before looking at Tauriel’s hand.

“Hey, can I borrow that ring for a second?” She nods and slips it off, handing it to him.

He grabs her hand and takes the ring from her, then puts her hand on the bed, her fingers facing upwards, and grabs Smeagol. He places the ring on the bed and then Smeagol next to it. Smeagol grabs the ring but starts to drag it away.

Kili laughs, “No, Smeagol. Come on, I know you know what to do.” Tauriel lifts her free hand up to cover a giggle while he smiles weakly, “He really does know. Smeagol, ring. Please.” Smeagol turns and looks up at him, squeaking. Kili shakes his head and taps Tauriel’s finger. Smeagol runs over and puts the ring on Tauriel’s finger before sniffing around it. Kili chuckles and hands him a treat.

“I’m impressed.”

“Thanks, sorry Smeagol tried to steal your ring. They have a thing about rings, I don’t know where they got it from.” Tauriel smiles at him and waves her hand, “It’s alright, they’re cuties.”

He shows her a few more tricks, feeding them treats and a little cap of strawberry milk, before setting them back in their cage.

Tauriel sits on the bed, glancing over Kili’s CD collection when he lays down next to her, “You have an interesting music taste.”

Kili mock groans, “You sound like my brother. It’s not that bad.”

She wrinkles her nose, pulling an Iggy Azalea album off the shelf, and holds it up. “Not that bad, huh?”

He rolls over, propping himself up on his elbow, and groans again. “That is for Gollum, not me. He’s got terrible taste, I swear.”

She chuckles and places the CD back on the shelf. “I didn’t know rats had music preferences.”

He threads his fingers through hers when she’s settled back beside him, but he’s frowning. Tauriel gives him a curious look, “What’s wrong?”

He glances up at her and chuckles nervously. “I uh, wanted to tell you something, but I’m sort of really nervous about it I guess. I don’t know if I can tell you.”

She raises a brow, “Well, I have something to tell you, too. Maybe if I go first you’ll feel better?” He looks up at her and nods, smiling slightly.

She squeezes his hand before saying, “I really like you Kili. More than as friendly neighbors.." He stares at her, willing her to go on, "Will you go out with me?” She looks at him and smiles sheepishly.

Kili turns red. “I- _What_? Really? Yes!” He pulls her into a tight hug. She laughs and wraps her arms around him, before asking, “Is that what you wanted to tell me? That you liked me?”

He pulls back and smiles sheepishly. “Yeah, but I didn’t know if you’d just wanna be friends or not. I know I’m not like Bard or Fili-”

She holds up a hand, cutting him off. “I like you, silly. You thought I’d go for your brother? For _Bard_?” He shrugs and looks down, embarrassed.

“They both lift weights and do sports and stuff. I know about computers and I play with rats.”

Tauriel grabs his face, making him look up at her. “I like you for you, Kili. You’re funny and you’re _impossibly_ cute and you’re charming.” She squishes his cheeks before leaning down and kissing him on the forehead.

____________________________________________________________________

They stay in Kili’s bed, cuddling and talking well into the evening, until Thranduil demands she come back. Although she doesn’t reply until Legolas texts her, claiming his father’s about to report a missing person.

She rolls her eyes, but sends a message back saying she’s at her boyfriend’s house next door and she’ll be home in a minute, laughing as she get’s 10 frantic, confused messages in a row from Legolas.

Kili happily walks her home, holding her hand until they reach the front door of the Oropherion house. She smiles, hugging his neck as he wraps his arms around her waist and kisses the corner of his mouth.

He presses his lips into a tight line, trying to keep himself from grinning too widely, when she winks at him, “Call me tomorrow, Kee. Goodnight.” Then she opens the door, giving Kili a tiny wave, and goes inside. Kili can hear Legolas yelling something about a boyfriend and he chuckles to himself before walking back to his own house.

He’s gonna need to skype call Fili right away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you like it! The ending was actually quite a surprise, as we didn't plan on the big reveal until more towards the end of the story, but we're winging it just like always. Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Remember to leave comments, kudos and bookmark if you like it! [Check out and follow the blog for this AU here](http://thehobbitsitcom.tumblr.com/)!


	10. II November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not quite as long as they have been, but there was computer trouble with one author and injury with another. Hope you enjoy it anyways!

Kili sits at the dining room table, looking around at everyone in amusement. His mother and Thorin don’t seem to notice that Dwalin is not being at all subtle with his open staring at Ori, and he has to fight the obnoxious laughter bubbling up in his chest at the sight. He knows how awkward it all is, but he had genuinely hoped the two of them being around mutual friends would make them more comfortable about the situation.

Unfortunately, Ori is hardly eating, just pushing his food around absentmindedly. Dis seems to notice this as well, and raising a brow she gently scolds Ori, telling him to eat and not play with his dinner. He looks up at her, wide-eyed, and Kili grins, smacking his back and explaining that Dis is just too motherly for her own good sometimes.

The dinner goes much more smoothly after that, the tension in the air broken, for the most part at least. Kili notes with pleasure that Dwalin and Ori are able to have a conversation at least, albeit a shy and quiet one. When he hears Dwalin ask if Ori has a girlfriend he has to hurriedly stuff mashed potatoes into his mouth to stifle a giggle, resulting in an awful choking noise instead. When everyone turns to look at him and ask if he’s alright, and all he can do is nod and wave his hand dismissively.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, carry on.” He coughs and wipes his mouth with a napkin.

Ori gives him a strange look, but turns back to Dwalin after Kili stops coughing, and replies quietly, “I prefer men, actually” A moment passes before he adds, “...But I am single.”

Dwalin doesn’t even try to hide his smile at that, merely telling Ori that they’re in the same boat then.

____________________________________________________________________

After dinner, while Ori is getting ready to leave, Kili frantically texts Legolas asking what he should do:

`dinner went OK i think. ori is leaving soon. havent declared their love. wat do ? `

Less than a minute passes when his phone vibrates with Legolas’ reply.

`ur an idiot`

Kili groans internally, typing his reply before stuffing his phone back in his pocket.

`HELP ME >:[ UR THE ONE WHO SAID IT WAS A GOOD IDEA !!`

He looks at Ori, squeezing his shoulder from his seat next to him, “I’ll see you at school. Remember we got that big test on Monday.”

Ori nods and makes an agreeing noise as he wraps his scarf around his neck before standing, thanking Dis for dinner before grabbing his sketchbook and walking into the living room.

Kili looks at Dwalin, who is still staring at Ori, when he hears a shout followed by a loud thump. Thorin and Kili stand up immediately, but sit back down when Dwalin mumbles, “I’ve got him.”

Dis smiles and nods at him before she turns to her youngest, smacking the back of his head “ Kili Durinson, how many times have I told you to put your shoes up!”

Kili smiles sheepishly but stays looking down. “Sorry, Ma.”

When she turns away and starts to clear off the table, so he glances over to see Dwalin attempting to help Ori gather up all the papers that fell out of his sketchbook when he tripped. He watches with new interest as Dwalin stops, holding up one of the pages, staring at it with a furrowed brow. Ori is trying desperately to grab it away from him, and Kili hears him ask for it back.

He wonders idly what’s on the page that is causing such a fuss. To Kili’s surprise, Dwalin suddenly grins at Ori, and holds out a hand to help the poor man up off the floor. Ori mumbles something, looking everywhere but at Dwalin’s face, causing the older man to laugh loudly. Kili grins at them, glad they’re getting along so well. He mentally pats himself on the back, he just knew they would go good together.

Dwalin reaches out and grabs Ori’s shoulder before saying, “Would you like to go out with me for coffee sometime?” Kili practically squeals with delight and whips his phone out of his pocket to text Legolas.

`DUDE! MAJOR NEWS! DWALIN JUST ASKED ORI 4 A DATE. IT WAS SO CUTE. PLAN WORKED! I AM A GENIUS! :)`

Legolas responds quickly, his reply making Kili roll his eyes and huff in annoyance:

`no. ur still an idiot! congrats tho u r a genuine matchmaker.`

A second text.

`maybe now u can get ur bro 2 ask me out on a date or s/t :}`

Kili looks back up at the pair in his living room just in time to see Dwalin scribbling what appears to be his phone number on Ori’s arm. He says his goodbye to Ori, who just smiles shyly and walks out the door. Dwalin stands in the doorway for a moment, waving one last time before shutting it and turning back to face the kitchen. Kili immediately stands up and rushes over to him.

“What’s on the paper he dropped, huh?”

Dwalin rolls his eyes but unfolds the paper and shows it to Kili, who starts laughing loudly. Littering the page are drawings and doodles of Dwalin.

Kili can’t help but giggle this time, “That is too funny.”

Dwalin huffs and folds the paper back up and shoves it into his pocket, “Don’t tease him about it when you see him next, you hear me boy?”

Rolling his eyes, Kili replies, “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

____________________________________________________________________

`WHERE R U. BEEN STANDING OUTSIDE UR HOUSE 4EVR.`

Kili stuffs his phone back in his pocket then pulls his jacket tighter against himself. He huffs, blowing his fringe out of his face while mentally scolding himself for not putting on his slippers. He looks down and wiggles his socked toes, nearly jumping when the front door finally opens.

“Shite, I didn’t think you were ever gonna open the fuckin’ door, mate.”

Legolas rolls his eyes, “Sorry. I had to deal with something. You live right next door, Kili, you didn’t have to stay outside.”

He waves his hand, “Wouldn’t be worth the effort… Got better socks, though? These ones are soaking from standing on the porch so long.” He looks up, noticing Thranduil lounging on the sofa, wine glass in hand, his eyes closed. “Good morning, Mr. Oropherion.”

Thranduil opens an eye, making a ‘hm’ noise and taking a sip of wine, “Morning.”

Legolas leads Kili up to his room, the younger immediately falling onto the bed, “I’m so cold. I’m so tired. Why would you do this to me, Legs? I thought we were friends.”

Legolas rolls his eyes, rummaging through his dresser, “I already told you, you could have gone back to your house.” He throws a pair of fuzzy socks at Kili’s head.

“Yeah, yeah.” Kili pulls off his jacket, leaving his sweater on and switches his socks while distractedly asking, “What was the thing you had to ‘deal with’?”

Legolas sits down next to him and shrugs, “I’ve just been trying to get something back from my ex for a while, it’s --”

“Woah, wait. What?” Kili laughs, “Legolas has an ex?”

“Yes, I have an ex. What is that even supposed to mean?” He rolls his eyes.

“I dunno. You just haven’t ever said anything? Didn’t think you had any interest in dating, really. Uh, not that I thought you like did anything without dating. I just, didn’t think-”

Legolas wrinkles his nose and makes a face, “Don’t hurt yourself, I get it. Anyways, my ex has my super nice DSLR, like, it’s really great it’s… it’s a camera, Kili.”

“I know what it is!”

“He has my favourite DSLR and I want it back. But he won’t give it back, or any of my other things for that matter. Like, I knew he was a jerk but I didn’t think he’d keep my shit, you know?”

“He can’t do that, though. Like, steal it.”

“That’s the thing, though. He was borrowing it. Then we broke up and I just haven’t gotten it back. He didn’t steal it.”

“Just go over there and take the thing? It’s yours, yeah? Just take it back.”

Legolas snorts, “That’s just an awful idea in general. My ex is this guy named Azog, he’s like. The worst. Just a really big guy who could probably beat both of us up. Easy.”

“Well he’s probably, like, in love with you, right? I’m assuming you broke up with him and not the other way around.” Legolas nods, “Yeah, so, you’re safe. Probably.”

“His cousin hates me, though. And they’re always together. Bolg is even worse if possible.”

“God, Legs. How did you get involved in this shit?”

“I don’t know. We were together for, like, years, okay? He wasn’t such a douche back then. Plus my dad actually liked him, and that doesn’t happen too often.” He groans loudly at the unamused expression on Kili’s face, “I swear, like, he’s the one that got into weird shit. Not me. Besides, Ada would have killed me.”

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll figure this out, mate.” He goes to grab a magazine from Legolas’ nightstand when Sindarin comes trotting into the room, surprising him, “Jesus Christ.”

“Hey boy.” Legolas smiles at the dog, patting the mattress beside him.

“I always fucking forget how big your fucking dogs are. There’s no way those are normal doberman.” He sets the magazine down on his lap and smirks, “Just sick Sinda and Silv on Azog and Bulge or whatever. End of your problem.”

Legolas laughs as he scratches Sindarin behind the ears, “God. His name is Bolg, and I’m not making Ada’s dogs be a part of this.” He plays with the doberman’s ears and makes a kissy-face, “Isn’t that right? You’re too nice to do anything that mean, anyways. You’re just a big ol’ puppy. Yes you are, yes you are.”

Kili watches in horror as Legolas pecks the dog on the nose, only to have his mouth licked back, “God, that’s so gross. Dog people are so weird.”

Legolas pushes Sindarin off and rolls his eyes, “Your rats basically live in your clothes and I’m the weird one?”

“That’s different. They’ll groom my hair, sure, but they don’t make out with me.”

“You’re awful.”

“Nah. Hungry, though. Wanna go grab something?”

____________________________________________________________________

Kili and Legolas sit at a cafe, warm coffee and a plate of sweets between them.

“So… has Fee talked any more about when he’s gonna come back home again?”

Kili stuffs a cookie in his mouth, talking through his chewing, “Nah. He’s got a bunch of pre-exams coming up he has to study for before the real ones in December. I know it’ll be before the end of the month, though.”

“That’s too bad. I’m trying to convince Ada to let you guys come over for our Christmas party next month.”

“Oh yeah, you invite all those weird French people over, right?”

“Yeah. Elrond’s, like, the equivalent to a best friend of my father’s I guess. Then his kids, and his new boyfriend. I hear they work together, like, they’re both surgeons.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“How do you mean?”

“Like, you’re doing some open-heart shit and you’re just like ‘honey hand me the scalpel?’ or whatever. That’s like a date for them, right?”

Legolas looks contemplative for a second and sips his coffee before saying, “I don’t think Elrond does open-heart stuff.”

Kili rolls his eyes, “Still.”

“What’s up with you and Tauriel? She won’t tell me details. Are you guys, like, together now?”

“I guess.” Kili stirs his coffee around a bit, “I mean. It’s out there now, we like each other. I guess we’re dating, but not like, official yet. I’m gonna take her out next time she visits Manchester again.”

“She’s gonna freak.” Legolas laughs as he takes a bite of his pastry.

“I’m hoping I can get visit her in Wales after the holidays or something. She’s been here loads so I figure it’s only fair, you know?”

“Yeah. She has a nice little apartment.”

“She lives on her own?”

Legolas nods, “You didn’t know?”

“She’s never really talked about family aside from you and your dad.” Kili shrugs.

Legolas furrows his brows then says seriously “I’d wait for her to tell you about it then. About her parents. Still pretty fresh, you know?”

"Noted." Kili sighs and puts his head down on the table, "You wanna invite Haldir and Faramir over this weekend? We could go see a movie or something. And you know, come up with a plan to get your camera back.”

“Movie yes. Camera no. It’s not worth it to get the guys involved.” Legolas wipes his mouth with a napkin before grabbing their shared plate and his cup and getting up.

“C’mon. We have to do something.” Kili stands up, grabbing his own coffee, before following him to the trash bins and out the door.

Legolas turns and walks backwards down the street long enough to roll his eyes and say,”We don’t have to do anything, Kee. Now, let’s talk about your date with Tauriel.”

____________________________________________________________________

Kili talks animatedly as his brother watches him on Skype, “... he’s suggesting all these fancy things to do, and I’m like, I guess I could do that. But it just doesn’t feel like me, you know? It’d be fun, but I don’t think it’d be that impressive. I don’t even think she likes stuff like that. It’s just… help?”

Fili leans back against his headboard and laughs, “I’m glad I don’t have to worry about any of that. Shite, I don’t know. Just take her out to dinner.”

The younger whines and lies his head down on the desk in front of him, “You’re useless.” He sighs heavily then looks up,”And Legolas has a major thing for you. I mean you’ve fucking made-out-”

“We kissed. Once.”

“Fine, you’ve kissed once and you’re both obsessed with each other. He wants you to ask him out so bad, bro.”

“Fuck off.”

“If you’re not going to ask him out on a date, at least help him get his camera back.”

“What are you talking about?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone once requested Fíli whump in the fic. Currently building up to that ;)
> 
> Remember to leave comments, kudos and bookmark if you like it! [Check out and follow the blog for this AU here](http://thehobbitsitcom.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
